These episodes happened when we traveled to Branson, MO in mid-November.  We try to go there during the Christmas season as all the music shows are doing their Christmas shows, and the theme park Silver Dollar City is all decorated for Christmas, so it is a very festive time.  We were driving back to the condo where we were staying late one evening after seeing the Oak Ridge Boys (who I must say, are not boys any longer).  Bob said to me, "You know, I like you."  I responded "Oh, good, but I hope you don't just like me, I hope you love me."  He said "No, I love my wife Betty, but I like you".  I thought to myself, whew,  "I don't have to worry about the 'other woman'.  I am that woman, and I know her well".  A few nights later we had gone to the Pierce Arrow show with some friends, and we were waiting under umbrellas in the pouring rain after the show,  waiting for him to get the car.  A man walked up to us and Bob said, "Well hello Mr. Blair, what are you doing here?"  I looked at "Mr. Blair" and thought "Surely not.  This can't be Mr. Blair, it is just someone that looks like him. Mr. Blair lives in Florida and is 80-plus years old and wouldn't be in Branson".  But then Mrs. Blair (Joanne) walked up and then I knew it had to be them!  I was busy picking my jaw up from the ground and trying to talk to Joanne, while Bob and Mr. Blair chatted, but then our ride came and we couldn't hold up traffic, so we had to run.  Mr. Blair was the administrator of the hospital where we worked 53 years ago right after we got married!  But Bob has seen him a lot over the ensuing years, and has done some projects and events with him, so he has seen him since.  But I called a mutual friend for his phone number, and called him and told him how honored he should be that Bob remembered him, as he didn't know me a few nights before!  The mind is a very strange thing!
So in this blog I would like to talk about Alzheimer's communication.  May I add that these 10 points are easier said than done.  This is an Alzheimer's blog, but they would mostly certainly work for a marriage counseling blog as well.  It is good to close your mouth firmly (it also helps if you have a mouthful of water) so you can't retort when you want to!  Or walk in another room for a few minutes-BIG YOGA BREATH!  Count to ten!  Since we never used to fight, remembering to do these is taking some getting used to for me....I have printed them off, and keep them in several places.

1.  Never argue, instead agree  (even if he says the moon is made of blue cheese)
2.  Never reason, instead divert.  In a patient with Alzheimer's they have lost their ability to reason.
3.  Never shame, instead distract.  Again, easier said than done to try to distract them!
4.  Never lecture, instead reassure.  Save your breath!
5.  Never say "remember", instead reminisce.  Bob loves to do this, talking about his grandma.
6.  Never say "I told you", instead repeat/regroup.  And it may take 100 times of repeating!
7.  Never say "You can't, instead do what they can.  "What they can" may be now greatly modified
8.  Never command/demand, instead ask/model.  I try to lay out the type of clothes he needs to put on
9.  Never condescend, instead encourage.  Saying "It will be OK" usually works
10.  Never force, instead reinforce. I allow extra time for everything so he is not forced to hurry

I went to the support group yesterday.  One man was telling how it is so difficult now, not being able to have a conversation with his wife.  He said he was usually the quiet one, but now he so longs for a meaningful conversation that when he gets out, he just chatters.  Several agreed with him, including me.  But then another man in the group broke down and cried.  When he could speak he said "Be grateful for what you have now.  It is only going to get worse".  He went on to say that his wife has frontal lobe dementia which is different from Alzheimer's and all she can say now is "We can do this"--which was something she said often when she could fully communicate.  That really hit home..
Bob and I are getting ready to travel again.  I miss the conversations we used to have in the car.  Those were some of the best, in our own little world with no distractions.  We also made some of our best decisions then.  We are going to Graceland for Christmas and tour the Elvis mansion all decorated for Christmas (don't laugh, it is on my bucket list!) and stay at the Heartbreak Hotel!  They even make snow, if none has fallen, so we will have a white Christmas instead of a blue one that Elvis used to sing about. Don't worry about us--WE CAN DO THIS, and I want to while we still can!

 Merry Christmas to all and I will talk to you again in the New Year!