This will probably be my last blog entry in this "Journey through Alzheimer's". I started the blog in September of 2015. It has been a long journey. He was officially diagnosed in 2009, and I saw worrisome signs as early as 2000. But it always happened when we were on a trip to the other side of the world, so I kept passing it off as jet lag.
I wrote the last entry August 19 to let everyone know of Bob's passing. Our 59th anniversary was coming up on September 1. I invited Bob's long time secretary, Judie Royer, out to eat that evening so we could celebrate his life together and it was perfect. Soon after that on September 9 was the date that would have been his 82nd birthday. As luck would have it, that was the day of the support group meeting. Traditionally, after your loved one passes, you come to the next support group and say good-bye to everyone. So I got to say good-bye plus there were many new first time people there that day. And I baked cookies in Bob's honor. I knew he would approve!
I have been invited to join several grief groups, and typically that is where someone goes to help make the transition. But at this time, I don't feel like I will need to do that. I did my grieving 6 and 1//2 years ago when I admitted him to the first facility. To come home that day and then not be able to cuddle up to him that night was heartbreaking. But I am a woman, so I am entitled to change my mind, right?
The service was all I could have hoped for and more. Daughter Valerie helped me plan it, and helped with all the details such as printing the program and creating the video. As a fundraiser par excellence and experienced with planning all the events associated with that, she was invaluable help. Though it poured down rain the day before, the day of the service was beautiful. Our son-in-law, Tad Stricker was the moderator, and he did a wonderful job. Several people thought he was the "reverend"! Bob had always said he was going to have the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing at his service but we couldn't quite pull that off. So we found the song "Shenandoah" that they sang, accompanied by beautiful pictures. Shenandoah National Park is where we started dating, and where our family returned to many times over the the years to camp, hike and enjoy its beauty. When cleaning out Bob's desk several years ago, I had found a cassette tape of him preaching a sermon called "Crossing the Jordan". I had a clip of it transferred to a CD. It was played at the service and was so appropriate as "Crossing the Jordan" is a metaphor to crossing over into the heavenly realm. A dear friend sang the song "I Won't Have to Cross Jordan Alone", and that was the only part of the service that brought me to tears. When Pastor B.T. Rice, a long-time friend of the family got up to give the homily, he shared that everything he was going to talk about had already been touched on. So he just gave a couple of interactions he had with Bob and then had everyone stand and give Bob an ovation. I asked him after the service how he came up with something so perfect, and he said "The Spirit moved me." To end the service the congregation sang Bob's favorite song "Battle Hymn of the Republic" complete with trumpet and piano accompaniment. There was a cookie reception in the chapel after the service, prepared by the church ladies. Bob would heartily approve!
All the grandchildren got to come which was a miracle in itself, given all their differing school schedules! They handed out packets of M&M candy with "always in our heart" stickers on them. Bob would heartily approve! Our son Ron's friends and their families came from both coasts and in between, and I was so touched that they took the time and expense to come. My brother and his wife and their son came and since we hadn't seen each other for 6 years, we had a lot of catching up to do! They stayed for a couple of days and we had a lovely time. But a day later their home in Florida was in shambles with water over the hoods of the 2 cars in the garage. Power is still not on there, so they have not had a chance to go survey all the damage yet.
The week before the service, on a Saturday night, a friend and I started my first volunteer job. It is with an area mega Methodist church, Church of the Resurrection, and the opportunities for service with them are amazing. Our job was with what is called "Matthew's Ministry" and it is for people with special needs. The night was their talent show, and wow was there energy in that room! We were each paired with a special needs individual and had dinner with them and stayed with them for the whole evening. What amazed me were all the high school students from Blue Valley High School that were also volunteering there that evening. We do it one Saturday night a month. Bob had special needs as a child, so I know he would be so proud of me and heartily approve!
I had Bob's ashes divided into 6 containers. Two of them I plan to take back to Maryland, probably next Spring or Summer. One will be buried in a plot that I am going to purchase in a cemetery in Church Creek, Maryland which is right next to Woolford, Maryland. There are many Woolford (Bob's relatives) graves there, some dating to the 1600s. The Old Trinity Church on the property was built in 1675 and is still in use. The ashes from the other container will be scattered from the pier that juts out into Church Creek River which is a tributary of the Little Choptank River. The plots each hold 4 containers of ashes, so some of my ashes, and Ron's ashes can be buried there as well.
I would like to thank all of you that sent cards and did other things such as phone calls to support me. I am saving the cards and will go over them many times as I reread their messages. I have 3 short get-away trips planned for the coming month with friends. October with all its splendor and crisp fresh temperatures is my favorite month, and I will cherish the time to just enjoy it.
And so this journey comes to an end. But it is not the end, just a new beginning. I leave you with these words:
You left us beautiful memories, Your love is still our guide Although we cannot see you, You're always at our side.
Love to you all Betty
