The summer has flown by. Oh wait! It is still summer, but is beginning to feel a bit like fall. We have had unseasonably cool weather the past few days, but temperatures will be back up for the weekend. But the main difference is that Libby started school. Yes, August 3! Schools in our area have been pushed back to a start date after Labor Day, but Libby lives in Tennessee and they are going ahead, even though cases in both areas have escalated. So when her school that she will attend this year offered the virtual option, her mom jumped on it, and Libby will stay here for now and do the virtual option, where she can remain relatively safe. Others in her class are doing the virtual option as well. There were a few computer glitches the first couple of days (surprise, surprise!) but today everything worked well and she seems to enjoy it. She likes her home room teacher. School starts in Tennessee at 8am so it is 7am for us in this time zone--a real change to our summer routine!
We have been doing a lot of things outside this summer, and carefully follow the mask mandate. We have avoided restaurants, which I really miss, but have done take out a few times. Sometimes this new routine to our routine seems surreal, and it has the added dimension of not knowing who and what to believe. We have had 2 window visits with Bob, and then the facility started opening up to visits with the family outside. They are still in lockdown mode, and I am so proud of them that they still remain COVID free. I really don't know how they do, with all the workers coming and going, but they are very committed to keep themselves and the residents safe. The last visit was outside with 10 feet distancing, and of course wearing masks. I was a little concerned that Bob would not be able to focus on us that far away, but he did, and motioned for us to come closer. It was hard to say that we couldn't as I know he couldn't understand why. I have another one Tuesday and the facility still Facetimes everyday. Sometimes he will try to reach for the tablet.
A couple of weeks ago the nurse phoned and said he hadn't been eating or drinking. The nurse practitioner had seen him and said his blood work showed he was dehydrated. She had ordered to push fluids for a couple of days, and they they would repeat the lab work, and if he was still dehydrated, the plan was to start IVs. I so wanted to go out and assess him myself, and get him to drink fluids as I know how he likes to drink. I gave the nurse some tips and we talked about that he had been started on thickened liquids as he seemed to be choking more. She said the thickener wasn't much, but just like nectar. I also told her I didn't want IVs started, that if Bob was not eating and drinking, we were going to let nature take its course. But a couple of days later he was eating and drinking again. Maybe he was just taking longer to recover from a seizure, as he has had some of them. But I didn't sleep for a couple of nights! They include me in the care plan meetings by phone. His weight has held steady.
The last time I saw Bob in March, I must have sensed something. Usually I would go out and maybe feed him lunch and then would sit in the comfortable recliner in his room and read a book while he napped. But that day, I instead sat on a folding chair by his bed, and held his hand. He didn't sleep that day, and every so often he would squeeze my hand, and I would squeeze his back. Then the notice came the next day that the facility was going into lockdown. Now, months later, I still look back to that memory, and imagine him squeezing my hand. I am heartbroken by the way this virus has affected everyone. Anyone that goes into a hospital or care facility cannot have their loved ones with them even if it is for a procedure or an illness separate from COVID. I think of all the people that died alone, and the grief their loved ones will have until the end of their lives that they couldn't be with them. I think of the children that have been abused because of it, the marriage relationships that crumbled, and the loneliness and isolation that so many are having to bear. I think of all the jobs that have been lost, the bills that are unpaid with no way to pay them, the children and families that are hungry because there is no work. So many dreams shattered with no warning. I miss going to church, being with my friends, but that is all so minute compared to what others are experiencing, that I almost feel guilty. On a side note, I miss my Alzheimer's support group. We do it by a Zoom call, but it isn't the same. The hugs, the touches, the welcome tears are missing. The Alzheimer's office that was so helpful to me when I started this journey is shuttered and they say they will not open until there is a vaccine. I hope they are still working from home, but to me it sends a message that they are not essential. Since the support group is sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association that means we cannot meet in person again until a vaccine is found. (Don't get me started down that path!) I just found out that one of our group is in the hospital with COVID. He would call me from time to time and I would call him, just to talk. His daughter says the doctors are cautiously optimistic, so he is included in the nightly prayer Libby and I say. She prays for all the animals every night; yes, they are affected as well. We lost one of the kitties suddenly to what looked like the symptoms of a human having a heart attack. She she has learned about death first hand this summer.
I want to end with the prayer of Saint Francis. Never has it seemed more relevant than now. I cannot fathom all the hatred, anger, selfishness, and sadness that this has all generated. All we can individually do is be an instrument of peace to the ones in our personal world.
Lord, make me and instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy. Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; To be understood, as to understand; To be loved, as to love; For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Love to you all, and stay safe,
Betty
