This past month has been very busy and the next month will be as well.  The grandkids are coming, the grandkids are coming!
Bob has been doing very well at the day stay at Brookdale Shawnee one day a week.  It has let them get to know him and gives him a place where he can socialize.  The aggressiveness that he was having has left.  I don't know where it went, but I certainly haven't tried to go find it!  Last week he had his first respite care stay which was 24/7 for 3 days.  This was like a trial time, probably more to see if I could do it rather than if he could do it.  I thought a lot about what I wanted to do during that time.  If I had stayed home, with all good intentions of reading books, I would have been pacing the floor, especially when it came bedtime.  So I asked some former neighbors and dear forever friends, Sherman and Joyce Blevins if I could come visit them for 3 days.  They live in Branson now, and have a home a mile from the strip.  The back of the house overlooks a wooded valley that makes you think you are miles from civilization.  Every morning I would take a cup of coffee and go out on the back deck and have my devotions, and just draw inspiration from the hills.  During the day we kept busy. One morning we went to a morning show "Oh Happy Day" at the Hughes Brothers Theatre.  If you haven't seen it, it is so inspiring--all traditional gospel music mixed in with some Gaither songs.  And one morning I went to go see a friend, Naomi Coleman, that I hadn't seen in forever, and we talked each other's heads off!  We also went to shows in the evenings as well, when I needed to have my mind occupied.  The second day I couldn't help but call to see how Bob was doing, and they said they couldn't get him to go to bed to sleep at night.  But he was perfectly content to sit and doze in an easy chair in the common area, and they were fine with that.  I told them sometimes (last night) he doesn't come to bed at all even at home.  And he had worn a tie, and I was afraid they would never get the tie off him as it is his favorite tie, and they said, no, they couldn't get him to change clothes.  So I asked if they had a black man, preferably jolly, that could work with Bob.  They said they had just the man!  Enter Larry!  He and Bob quickly became best of friends and Larry could get him to do anything! Bob was fine when I picked him up, and I asked him a question the next day about what he had done, and he didn't remember going anywhere.
I am so conflicted with needing to spend time with Bob and also needing to spend precious time with grandchildren that are getting older much too quickly.  But this seems like a perfect solution, as he is content there, and I can see the grandkids, and also have respite time, which I need.  It is easier to keep a sense of humor if you have gotten a break!  The other day I asked Bob if he would brush his teeth.  He responded with "Where are they?"  Now he doesn't have dentures, so this made me go into a gale of laughter, and then he laughed as well!  They can't be too hard to find!  So he will have a 3 week respite care in July, while I spend time with the grandchildren.
I went to a presentation Thursday night sponsored by AgewiseKC.  The subject was "Daily Strategies for Dementia Challenges."  The main theme was "Do more of what works, and less of what doesn't".  That is so true, but I have noticed that things tend to go in cycles, and what works one day may not work the next.  I got Bob to come to bed 2 nights by telling him I would give him a back rub, but that strategy has not worked since.  (Can you imagine turning down a back rub?!)  The speaker also said to watch out for the "shoulds" and the "should nots".  For example, the rule of thumb is you should not ever leave an Alzheimer's person alone.  But everyone is so different, and I am still so fortunate that I can still leave Bob and go run errands or have lunch with a friend.  He never tries to leave our home like he left the hotel in March, and he never bothers anything in the house.  A friend just told me about a camera you can set up at home, and then watch him on your phone.  I am getting that! Then I can see what he does downstairs all night!  One thing that is so hard to remember but is so vital is to remember that the person is not out to GIVE you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time.  Their behaviors are a way of communicating, and you need to ask "What are they trying to tell me" instead of "Why are they doing that?"  What are they doing their best to say?  They are doing the best they can, with what they have, with where they are.  They said, and I have found it works with Bob, that the more you can simplify things, and use fewer words, the better a response you get.  And too much data, too much stimulation coming at him, causes acting out behaviors.  It may be too light, too hot or too cold, or too much noise or combination of noises.  There is an easy listening music channel on the TV and he will sit and listen to that for hours, but again, as I said before, the news channel is too much coming at him at once.  And the news gets more upsetting every day!
The speaker ended by saying that it is an on-going learning process for the caregiver, or as I have also heard it called "care partner" because you are in this together.  All a person can do is to do the best you can, and leave the rest to God.
I am getting to know so many wonderful caregivers out there!  My nursing roommate and substitute sister, Bonnie Kendall Humphreys just passed away after her battle with multiple myeloma.  Her husband Ron was her caregiver and did a wonderful job.  And the husband of a friend in my support group died in his sleep last week.  My thoughts and prayers are with the ones still providing care.
Love you all,
Betty