This post could be called "Life at the Piper," or Peyton Place Piper, or any number of names.  I have mentioned before the little lady that has taken a liking to Bob.  She looks so sweet and innocent, but in her chest beats the heart of a cougar.  Her normal self would probably be horrified at this turn of events.  I will call her "Kitty" to protect the guilty (sincere apologies to a nursing roommate and still dear friend named Katherine, aka "Kitty"!)  The last time we visited the Piper when friends Janet and Leonard were here, we were all in the sunroom.  Leonard, being such a nice guy, answered Kitty as she engaged him.  All of a sudden Kitty opened her sweater and flashed him.  Fortunately she had a blouse on underneath.  Then she went over to her rival, Janet, and flashed her as well.  As Janet was staring dumbfounded at her abdomen, Kitty said "Look a little higher.  You aren't looking high enough."  Under normal circumstances I would take offense at my husband being stalked, but now I just try to find the humor in it, and Janet is as well.   One of the other residents, a dear lady, has warned Kitty to keep away from Bob--"he is Betty's husband."  And that HAS seemed to help.
The soap opera continues.  One of the newer residents has a dog, and she is such a cute little thing.  The owner is well enough to take some care of the dog, but when she takes her outside, she forgets to put the leash on, and the little Shit(zu) can scoot under the fence.  This happened one day while I was there, and there was no one to chase her.  So add dog-catching to my list of talents.
We are continuing with the impromptu singing for the residents.  I want to emphasize that it is by no means a performance, and leading the singing while Gail plays the piano is NOT one of my talents.  I have sung alto for years, and the melody to most of the songs is really high.  But the residents seem to enjoy it so much and ask for us to sing when we come, so we do it just to please them.  Some that never interact in any other way participate, and have beautiful voices. Many thanks to Arlene Magruder for printing out the lyrics to the songs, and anyone that happens to be there for handing them out and picking them up.  One of the hymns that they really seemed to enjoy was "Never Part Again".  Then I looked across the page at the hymn "In a little while we're going home" and immediately decided not to sing that.  One day I was singing and playing the piano both as no one else except Arlene was there.  I sang the song "Shenandoah" and Arlene told me that Bob started crying.  I am glad my back was to him, otherwise I would not have been able to finish the song.    Our memories of Shenandoah (National Park, not the river) started by going there on our high school senior class trip.  We camped, as that was all anyone could afford, and a bucket of water froze overnight.  After we were married and lived in Maryland we went there tent camping with the children, and would end up carrying them back from hikes.  In later years we went back with them and stayed in cabins in the park, and did NOT carry them back from hikes.  After they left home, Bob and I went back for a few anniversaries during trips to Maryland.  One weekend we stayed at The Inn at Little Washington" which, if you live in the area, you know is about as far from tent camping as you can get.  But it is right outside the park, so we went back in to the park to do the traditional hikes.  So Bob must have been remembering the fun times we had there.
Kim, the director of the Piper, had the Alzheimer's Association download many of Bob's favorite CDs on to an iPod type device.  It gives him about 7 hours of listening.  He is not able to play it himself, but I started it for him the other day, and he seemed to enjoy it.
Sincerely, life at The Piper seems very homelike, and the staff is very pleasant and competent.  I want to thank them all, as they have to be so patient to do that kind of work.  I could not do that day after day.  I like it there as it does not "feel" like an institution.
While we are talking about music, I would like to close with a song the Righteous Brothers made famous, "Unchained Melody".  It has special meaning for me now, and I am sure it also strikes a chord with others who have already lost their mate.

Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love,
God speed your love to me.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers cry, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me.

Lyrics by HyZaret, music by Alex North

Leonard Marsh's favorite saying is "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  He went a bit further after our last songfest when he was here (with his baritone voice, never missing a word, even though we didn't have the lyrics all printed out yet.)  "When life gives you Alzie, go ahead and Waltzie" he proclaimed.

Thank you Leonard.  I will try to remember that.

Betty

Bob has been at The Piper for almost 2 months now.  He is doing very well.  He has started physical therapy through Shawnee Mission Medical Center, and they think it is making him stronger, and able to balance better.  Our son Ron was in town last weekend and went to see him.  He and a CNA tried to get Bob from the dining table to an easy chair so they could visit better.  Bob was moving the walker, but not his body.  They told him that he would have to take a step, as the walker was getting farther and farther away, and he was going to fall flat on his face.  He told them forcefully "I don't have to take a step."  What is the saying?  "Mind over matter"?  When Bob first went there, he was having tremors so bad that I was starting to have to feed him.  When the head nurse Karen Berning, did the intake assessment we were talking about the "whole lot of shaking" that was going on.  She said the protocol was to give the minimum dosage of a drug, and asked if it was OK with me if they tried decreasing the resperidol that he was taking for agitation.  I said, "Well, he is here now, so you will have to deal with the consequences!"  She said they would decrease it to once a day instead of twice, but could increase it again if need be.  I asked about adding depakote, which is normally given for seizures, but it is also given to decrease the extrapyramidal (outside the columns of motor fibers that run on each side of the spinal cord) side effects of  resperidol.  But Bob is very sensitive to drugs, so adding that could increase the chance of a whole new set of side effects, among them abnormality in thinking and tremors!  I had asked the neurologist at the last appointment if the tremors were the beginning of Parkinson's disease, and he said no, just the progression of Alzheimer's.  He knew Bob was taking resperidol, but did not pick up that the tremors were possibly a side effect of it.  The tremors have almost stopped now with the decrease.  So kudos to Karen!  It pays to have someone that works with this all the time take over!
I have been playing the piano sometimes for the residents when I have gone out, and with friends Harry and Gail and Heather Janke and Arlene Magruder have done some sing-a-long type activities.  Some (including Bob) really belt out the songs, and I can hear residents in other rooms singing as well.  Arlene found a wonderful book of oldie but goodie songs that everyone will know, and the same group is going out again tomorrow and do it again.  Bob is adapting very well to the "household" and it is fun to see the residents watch out for, and help each other.  It is also wonderful to find out about the life stories of others that are there, and they are eager to tell you!  Maybe with some embellishments!
I am so happy Bob is in a good facility, and the atmosphere there just seems so calming.  There is a web site you can look up "Nursing Homes Abuse Advocate.com" and it tells the facilities in each state that are cited for abuse and/or neglect.  It is refreshed every month.  If you have questions about a particular facility you can go to them and ask to see the paperwork.  They are required by law to show it to you.  It may just be a complaint about a policy, or it could be much more serious.  When you go to the site click on "menu" and then "offender by state."  It is very interesting.  Huge prices don't always mean good care.....
A little more "taking care of business" that some may be interested in.  I watched a special on PBS about Alzheimer's disease that is now really a disease of epidemic proportions.  They were talking about the state of Florida with it's aging population.  When a person applies for Medicaid (NOT Medicare) there, it can take up to 5 years to be approved, they are so far behind.  What do you do in the meantime?  If you apply too soon, you won't be approved!  It is having disastrous consequences in Florida, as after paying out Medicaid, the state has no funding for roads, education, or anything else.  On the other hand, New Hampshire put a moratorium on building elder care facilities years ago as they could see the handwriting on the wall.  Some facilities will tell you that they do not take "medicaid pending" patients as the person may not ultimately qualify.  And what if a facility has a waiting list to get in?  The timing can be very tricky, and you should enlist the help of a social worker or elder care attorney that "knows the ropes."  However, when you are approved, the payment is retroactive to when you filed. Again, you have to cover it in the meantime. Some facilities require a nonrefundable downpayment when you are applying, others it is refundable.  And what if you are private pay and then run out of money?  Some facilities have a foundation that takes over and pays when that happens, but anyone please correct me if I am wrong, but I think that typically happens when you have bought into the facility.  Another resource is veteran's benefits, and they are very helpful.  I just found out when I filed my taxes this week that respite care and care in a long term care facility is tax deductible.  There are some qualifications and fine print to this, but at least that is some help as well.
I am leaving in a couple of weeks on a grandchildren tour again while they are on Spring break, but it makes it so much more enjoyable when I don't have to worry about Bob while I am gone.  And the cats will be well cared for as well, by Denise, who is a mutual friend of their former "mother" and me.  She comes to the house, so they don't have to be stressed by moving.  They have pretty much taken over the house....I just live here.
In closing, this has become my mantra.  "Jesus will not give me everything I want, but He will give me everything I need."  And I see daily evidence of His leading me in this journey.
Until next time,
Betty