We are having a rainy, grey month of May, but there is sunshine in my heart!  I try to go see Bob about every other day, and it is a joy just to sit and hold his hand.  Last week I took his long time secretary, Judie Royer and another long time worker from Environmental Services, Fred DeSieghardt.  Bob was in charge of ES and Laundry when we moved here, and Fred had worked for Bob since he graduated high school and his father came to Bob and asked if he had a job for Fred.  Since Bob was afflicted with cerebral palsy as a child, he had a special place in his heart for the handicapped.  They became buddies, loyal friends, and Fred worked in ES until he retired and now volunteers in the laundry 2 days a week.  He is an amazing person with his recall of names, dates, figures, and especially statistics of the KC Royals and Chiefs.  One day Bob came home from work really worked up.  He found out that Fred was being teased by his co-workers when the Royals or Chiefs lost.  He had gathered the department together and asked them why, if they called themselves Christian, they were treating someone less fortunate in that manner?  Bob always stuck up for the underdog.  So when Fred and Judy walked in Bob's room last week, the joy on Bob's face was indescribable.  He reached out his arms to Fred, and was almost crying he was so happy.  He might not have remembered his name, but it was obviously someone he loved.  It was such a blessing to have him so alert that day, as he also reacted to Judie and I a lot and he told me he loved me.  Of course, I was saying that to him, but it was a joy to have him repeat it back!

Then two days later I got a call from Hillside Village while I was eating breakfast.  It is never a good thing to see "Nurse at Hillside Village" on your caller ID.  She said Bob had a seizure during breakfast that lasted 5 minutes.  They got him back to bed, but she said he was chalky white, his skin looked like wax, and he wasn't breathing.  She told me they thought he was gone, but then he took a breath, and started breathing again.  When I got out there, he was starting to respond, but he was pretty much out of it for the rest of the day.  And then, per usual after a seizure, he was much more alert the next day.  As much as I want to be with him when he passes, this episode made me realize I may not get that wish.  He started eating again Mother's Day weekend.  They had been giving him the house formula high protein shakes, and he eats the Magic Cups well for me now.  It is a frozen cup that looks like ice cream, but when thawed it looks like pudding.  And of course both of them satisfy his sweet tooth.  The evening nurses dips his grilled cheese sandwiches in cranberry juice.  He loves both of those and does well eating the softened combo!  And I still give him M&M treats when I am there!

In closing,  I want to talk about a term I saw on Facebook recently.  It was "holding space".  (Thanks Kandy!)  I had never heard that term before, have you?  Maybe because I don't have to go to the endless seminars that are required for nurses to renew their licenses.  But I was curious to see what it meant, so I asked my friend Google, and this is what I found:  "At the end of the day, it means to not make it about you.  That's it.  Holding space means to make it about someone else.  Plain and simple..  But most people can not do this.  Why?  Because we're used to high jacking spaces.  We're wired to take.  To want.  To seek from others.  We don't want to accept someone's opinions and worldviews if they don't match ours.  It means to accept someone without judgment.  To donate your ears and heart without wanting anything back.  To practice empathy and compassion.  To accept someone's truth, no matter what they are.  To allow and accept.  Embrace with two hands instead of pointing with one finger.  Holding space means to put your needs and opinions aside and allow someone to just be. Themselves."  Thanks Bob for being an example of that, but I am still trying.

Another buddy of his is coming next month--our granddaughter Libby, who holds space very well.  She loves her Pop Pop and will get to hug him this time when she see him, not just see him through a window!  What a joy that will be!

Until we meet again, lets do our best to hold space for someone!

Betty