We are now in the dark dreary doldrums of winter.  We made it through the holidays which I was not looking forward to.  The other holidays that Bob had been in a facility at least I had been able to go see him and make things merry and bright.  But this Christmas I couldn't go see him and had to content myself with a picture of Santa giving him the present I had taken to him.  I finally joined a support group that Church of the Resurrection in this area was sponsoring for 4 weeks via Zoom called "Grief through the holidays."  It was opened with a short talk by one of the pastors and then we broke into groups with a group leader.  I was afraid it would not be appropriate for me since my spouse hadn't died, but I was welcomed with open arms.  As others shared their stories it was so helpful just to be able to talk about it, and the host was so comforting with his remarks.  I soon discovered they were in a much deeper grief than I, as most of the deaths were unexpected.  Several men were in my group, and it was so good to hear men express emotions that men sometimes hide, and will not traditionally seek help for.

Then after Christmas it happened.  The first person to test positive at Hillside Village was an employee.  I know everyone was worried what would happen with people getting together during the holidays, even if it was in small groups.  People maybe were getting so tired of being apart, and let their guard down for just one time, and someone in the group is positive and maybe doesn't even have symptoms.  And this time of year it is so hard to tell which may just be a seasonal sniffle or tickle in your throat and which may be COVID!  Hillside Village had been testing their employees when they came to work, but somehow one of those devil germs slipped through.  And they tested the residents whenever an employee tested positive.  The residents were given their first vaccines on a Thursday I believe and then the first resident tested positive the next Monday.  After that, more would test positive every day.  They were moving residents around to isolate and separate people.  The Director of Nurses is also the infection control nurse, so she was able to have a hands on approach as they tried to contain it.  Then she tested positive and had to  stay home and "rule from afar" as she put it.  Fortunately she has had mild symptoms as have all the residents.  They are wondering if the few days in between the vaccine and the outbreak helped.  I am impressed that they have worked as a team to contain this.  Residents are now being moved out of isolation.  The administrator has worked long hours, going home only sneak in an outside entrance to the basement and sleep in a bedroom there so he doesn't infect his family. But then the dreaded phone call came last Saturday.  The owner of the facility called and said that Bob had tested positive.  So far the only symptom he had was a slight cough.  I had barely hung up from him when the Director of Nurses called.  She said they were offering the option of the infusion of plasma with antibody cells to those that had tested positive, but they had to give it early in the course of the disease, so they had to know by Monday if I wanted to do that.  It would involve taking him out to an infusion center about 15 miles away.  The other option was to just "shelter in place" and treat the symptoms with tylenol, oxygen if needed, and the steroid dexamethasone orally if needed.  I talked with Ron and Valerie, and wrestled with, and prayed about, the decision overnight, and then texted her the next day and said I had decided not to send him out for the infusion.  It has been a week now, and fortunately his symptoms remain mild, he doesn't have a fever, and he is eating and drinking well.  He was next to the last person to test positive in the facility!  I am so thankful that as doctors have been treating the disease, they have found ways to treat it, and have found out what works and what doesn't work.  And fortunately a lot less are being put on ventilators because of it.  

The next bright spot was when the hospital emailed and said they were making the vaccine available to the retired nurses.  There were many of us there to get it, and so happy to be able to SEE someone in person that we had a great time chatting!  I will admit I was on the fence at first about getting the vaccine as we don't know long term side effects, how long it lasts etc. etc.  And I couldn't forget the image of a young man that I took care of in ICU that got Guillian Barre syndrome from the flu vaccine that year.  He was on the ventilator for months.  I never did find out what happened to him after he left the hospital and went to rehab where they took ventilator patients.  But I decided the alternatives and getting COVID outweigh the risks of getting the vaccine. Hearing about the long haul patients that are having symptoms for months later is scary.  And I want to be able to travel again.

So saying, we are not out of the woods yet, especially with the new mutations coming out.  And the end of wearing masks is months ahead of us, I am afraid.  The other worry I have is that since so many people refuse to wear masks, they will even more so refuse the vaccine.  I wish that people would have the mind set of caring for others, and in caring for others, be willing to help protect them.  But the nature of people is to only think of themselves, until maybe they lose someone they love.  But we have had so much tragedy through this with people dying alone and their loved ones grieving alone.  It breaks my heart.  So to everyone I would say:

May the Lord walk beside you to comfort you,  May the Lord walk above you to watch over you,  May the Lord walk beside you to keep you safe,  May the Lord walk before you to show you the way.

Stay safe and hang in there!  Spring will come!

Betty