The last week has been interesting caring for Bob.  I have been rubbing his back and head as I know he has always loved that.  The other day he was practically purring and he very plainly said "Other side"!  Always when I had rubbed his back I had told him not to give orders, but I guess he didn't want my advice.  And I tried to position the abductor pillow between his knees to keep his legs apart, but the next time I looked, his legs would be contracted again.  I had to smile, remembering when his grandma said she would put the braces on his legs as the doctor instructed before he went to bed.  Bob hated them so bad, he would take them off and put them beside his legs so it would look like they were still on.  The heavy bleeding in the urine continued; but I guess he was making those little red blood cells as fast as he was losing them.  Some friends came to visit last Saturday, and I was hoping he would wake up well and play fist bumps with Harry as usual, but he just opened his eyes, smiled, and went back to sleep.  Sunday I was worried that he had been sleeping so much so I went back to see him before I played pickle ball.  I walked in the room to find him bright eyed but with a very angry look on his face.  He was shaking his fists and yelling at the TV.  I looked to see what in the heck was on, and it was a Las Vegas pawn shop show!  I have no idea what was upsetting him so, but he stayed awake and alert and ate a good dinner.  Tuesday he was back to his sleepy self again, but he held my hand tightly.  Wednesday our daughter Valerie and her family stopped by on their way to take their son Jaden to college in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Again we had trouble waking him up, but by dancing around and singing, we got him to open his eyes, and we snapped a very nice picture with Jaden. I can just hear him saying "Those kooks!  Shut them up and turn them off!"

Thursday morning I was sleeping soundly and my cell phone rang at 6am.  When I saw the name "Hillside Village" pop up I thought "Oh, no."  Indeed it was the nurse calling with bad news.  They had gone in to turn him and found him gone.  She said there was evidence that there had been seizure activity, as blood and mucous were coming out of his mouth.  He has had seizures, some of them severe, but this time was evidently so severe that it took him.  It was truly a surprise, as I knew it was coming, but had imagined all sorts of scenarios, and in all of them he would have lingered probably in a coma for days.  So this was such a blessing for both of us that it happened quickly.  He would have been unaware of what was happening after the seizure started, so he didn't suffer.  

 I had been praying that God would take Bob.  To see someone that you love in that condition is heartbreaking.  And God's timing was more than I could have asked for.  A dear friend whose husband was in the first facility with Bob was free to go out to Hillside to pick up his belongings.  I got to say good-bye in person to the staff on the day shift that had cared for Bob so tenderly.  Then I went to pick up the other two dear friends who had encouraged me long ago to write this blog, so I was able to tell them in person.  We went to the retired nurses lunch that is held monthly and I was able to tell them all in person and get all the love and hugs from them.  This afternoon (Friday) was the scheduled lunch for the support group members who have formed their own lunch bunch after their spouses passed away.  This group has become like family, and they had invited me long ago to join, even though Bob was still alive.  We had been through so much together.  But now I am an official member of that group!  And they all shared in the relief that I feel.

My experience with the funeral home was also very heartwarming.  The Amos Family Funeral Home has been a fixture in Shawnee for several generations.  And Bob and Gene, who is passed away, knew each other well and served on several service organizations together.  We had prepaid funeral arrangements so it went very smoothly.  They asked if I wanted to see Bob, but totally understood when I declined.  We are working on a date for the memorial service.  I would like to have it on his birthday weekend, September 10, but I don't think we can get it together that soon.  So it will likely be the end of September or first of October, so out of town relatives can make arrangements.  

I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support as people have found out.  I am so blessed with so many friends and family.  What would I do without them all?  I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers as I go forward without my beloved Bob.  I am sad, but rejoice in the hope that we will be together again.  What a life we had together in the time that was allotted to us!  What would have been our 59th anniversary is coming up September 1.  I will celebrate it with joy, reveling in the memories of our many anniversaries together in all parts of the world!  I still have the card made from seedpods that was given to us in Africa, and they baked our cake over the campfire while lions roared in the distance!  

Please hold your loved ones a little closer tonight.  The journey of Alzheimer's is like no other.  It makes you realize there is no time to waste.  Each moment is precious, a treasure in its own way.  Alzheimer's taught me that all any of us really have is today.

We all knew how this blog would end, and what the last chapter would be.  I will probably write another one or two to let you know how the service was, and how I am doing.  I have been encouraged by several people to have it published as a book.  I will have to think about that a little bit longer.  

I can't end in any better way than to share the words of the song made popular by Kenny Rogers--except that with 6 wives he might not be the best role model!  Bob and I heard him sing it in concert in Branson, Missouri.  I loved the song then, but didn't know at the time it would become so poignant.  

"I wanted you for life, you and me in the wind  I never thought there'd come a time that our story would end.  Its hard to understand but I guess I'll have to try, Its not easy to say goodbye

For all the joy we share, all the time we had to spend, Now if I had one wish, I'd want forever back again.  To look into your eyes and hold you when you cry, It's not easy to say goodbye."

Good bye and goodnight my love.  I'll see you in the morning.

Betty