Recently I listened to a series of 5 sermons about doubt from a local pastor.  Those sermons inspired the content of this blog.  I may repeat myself with some posts from earlier blogs, but some may not have been following the blog then.  Or it doesn't hurt any of us to be reminded of these things!  The series was on doubt.  The pastor stated from the beginning that doubt was a good thing, and asking questions and delving deeply could be a means to strengthen our faith.  He took a survey of the members and the things that most troubled them.  As you could guess, the overwhelming thing people asked was "If there is a God, why does He allow suffering?"  Of course, that question has probably been asked and debated about from the beginning of time.  I have read books about it.  The thing that troubles me most is the Holocaust.  Where was God when His chosen people, 6 million of them, were suffering and dying the most horrible deaths?  The pastor's postulation was that these kinds of questions either 1) turn you away from God or 2) turn you back to God.  

So, I would like to proceed to address those thoughts with the circumstances I find myself in.  If anyone deserves not to suffer, I believe it is Bob.  But thankfully, he doesn't seem to be suffering and his usual sweet self now shines through.  If you remember, at one time it didn't, when he was in a violent stage.  Now Bob has been the survivor of 2 Covid episodes, more than anyone else in the facility.  A friend was musing after he recovered that God must have a plan for Bob, since he is such a strong person and seems to be holding on for so long.  The usual course of Alzheimer's should have happened long ago since he has been on and off with his eating and losing so much weight.  Usually he would start choking on his food and get aspiration pneumonia.  More than once I have thought that was happening, only for him to turn it around again!  I lose track of when I had him anointed.  He was still at home then.  I love the hospice chaplain that anointed Bob, and he gently reminded me that sometimes God says no.  I told him that I wasn't asking for healing.  As a nurse I had seen whole churches come to the hospital to pray for a dying child and the child still died.  I told the chaplain that I was just placing Bob in God's hands for safekeeping.  And I gently reminded friends that told me if Bob didn't recover it was because I didn't have enough faith, as the chaplain reminded me, that God sometimes says no.  Our faith is necessary for our mental survival.  I have come a long way in this journey, but I still have a long ways to go.  Bad things happening are not a part of God's plan, but a result of the sinful world in which we live.  And if it is happening to you, God will be there to walk you through it, and I am encouraged by that promise.  Do I find myself in this situation so I can be of better service to others?

Lets look on the lighter side for awhile!  As I have said, just going to Hillside Village and holding his hand gives me strength, but my strength is nothing compared to his when I try to remove my hand to leave!  And I am afraid I have started something again.  I have been rubbing his head.  His grandmother told me when we were dating not to get that started or I'd be sorry, and I should have listened to her.  I asked him the other day if he liked it and he said "sure"!  Ask a dumb question and thats what you get!  It seems he is more alert now since he has recovered from Covid.  I don't have a reason why, except Valerie gave me a very plausible answer the other day.  He slept so much when he had Covid that he has been revived!  A new little CNA was caring for him the other day.  She had never heard him speak before, but he asked her "What time is it?"  She said she about jumped out of her skin!  And the other day we were watching Gunsmoke (his favorite) while I was feeding him.  I told him "thats Matt Dillon there."  He matter-of-factly said "I know it!"   

As I close this blog, I ask that you pray for the people of Ukraine.  Again, sin seems to be taking over, but in the end, good will triumph.  Emmanuel--God with us!

Betty