The snow is gently falling and quiet except for the sounds of the snowplows and salt trucks going through periodically.  The bears have it right--hibernate when the snow falls.  Except they don't eat, and I don't go along with that.  Everything is so peaceful and I am more at peace than I have been in several weeks.
I had been observing for awhile that Bob's care had gotten too heavy for the facility that he was in.  When he first was admitted there, almost 3 years to the day, he was ambulatory and it was a good fit.  But now that he is total care, it was just too much for the amount of staff they had.  They limped along and made it through the holidays only because students were home from school periodically and picked up a few shifts of work.  But then one of the regular staff was off after having surgery, and it brought to a head how little resources there were.  Staff were working 12-16 hours a day and were exhausted mentally and physically.  And the night shift staffing got to be in the critical range.  I certainly sympathize with the problem, as in this area many glorious new facilities are being built with no thought of who is going to staff them.  By the way, when a place starts intensely advertising and saying how great they are, BEWARE.
So with a great friend in tow, we started frantically searching for a new place.  It was breaking my heart, as I love the staff (all 2 of them) at the place where he is now, and I love the residents and I love the other families.  You all bond and become like family.  But the search only highlighted the problem.  We learned very quickly that you couldn't trust the rating and the comments on a facilities web site.  How some comments about the same place could be at the opposite end of the spectrum was baffling!  I got to the place I felt like some of the glowing ratings were fake.  And medicare would even give a place a 5 star rating and when you walked in the smell of urine was overwhelming.  Cross that off the list right away!  The website "A place for mom" was helpful, but they readily admitted that places paid to be on their list.  A person from the Alzheimer's Association that spoke at the funeral of a husband of a friend from our support group was kind enough to talk to me about how to pick a place.  She said to just pop in a mealtime.  See how the workers are interacting with the residents.  See if they are talking to them.  See if they are taking the time and patience to feed them properly.  I felt the urgency of finding a new place quickly, so I had all kinds of people praying for me.  Some of the places were deplorable.  And I am so sad to say that one of the places that has a red flag for neglect and abuse is run by Advent Health (the new corporate name of Shawnee Mission Medical Center where Bob and I worked, and the hospital we loved.)  I am so embarrassed by this that I could spit.  They are building brand new sparkling sports medicine centers, and the nursing facility with a desperate need is in that condition?  The aging population is now the greatest need and they are totally missing the boat in that area.  I know 2 families that have their loved ones there and they are having to do all the care.  I had almost come to the conclusion that I would have to move him to a place right down the street from me and just step into the hands on caregiving role.  We got as far with one facility that they came to do an assessment on Bob, but they said right away that his level of care was too high for them.  He doesn't need Alzheimer's care now, just good nursing care.  When I had told them exactly at the facility what equipment etc. that he required, they assured me that "Oh we can do that!"  But God shut that door and at support group I found out how thankful I was that He did, as one of the other ladies had had her husband there, and couldn't wait to bring him home.  I knew bringing Bob home wasn't an option, as I would have died before he did.  My mind would run wild at night.  I thought of bringing him home and putting the hospice bed in the living room, and hiring my favorite CNA from The Piper to care for her and she could live in the spare bedroom.  But then who would take care of the residents at The Piper!? 
But then one day God flung the door open wide, just in time as I was getting exhausted and depressed.  Another friend that was looking frantically also for a place for her mom with Alzheimer's told me she was going to go visit a place in Desoto, KS.  She was given 3 days to find a place for her mom after she went off rehab.  The hospice nurse practitioner had casually mentioned this place, but I had crossed it off my list as it is further away than even the drive I had to The Piper.  It takes 25 minutes to get there and it is 25 miles away, but through beautiful Kansas farmland.  Oops, no more zipping down the interstate at 80 mph....The name of the facility is Hillside Village of Desoto.  I don't know why, as it isn't on a hillside, but the grounds are beautiful, and Bob has a beautiful view out his window instead of parked cars.  The OWNER of the facility met us to give us the tour.  There 87 beds, 49 on the rehab and long term care side and 38 on the assisted living side.  We started off on the assisted living side where his mom is a resident, after fighting him when he had to move her from DesMoines, Iowa.  As we continued the tour, I knew immediately that this was the place I wanted Bob.  There was staff EVERYWHERE!  There was a nursing station ON THE UNIT!  Activities were going on, the place was being CLEANED!  I asked the owner about halfway through if there were any private rooms available and shut my eyes and prayed while he was thinking.  He messaged the director of nursing whose office was ON THE UNIT!  Soon she came running down the hall, and told us at first she didn't think they did, but she had found a way to make it work.  I immediately said "I'll take it!"  It took a couple of days to do the paperwork, and they WORKED WITH hospice (instead of against them as before) to coordinate the move.  Hospice got their new bed with an alternating pressure mattress to the new facility, picked up their old equipment at The Piper, and the facility picked Bob up in their transport van Thursday.  I met him there, and it was lunchtime.  They asked if he was hungry, and he said "YES!"  They have since remarked how good an eater he is!  And I took his prune juice along, and they looked at me funny and said "Why are you bringing that?  We have plenty of that here!" 
I am not going there today because of the weather.  But I don't feel that I have to, and I can rest knowing he is being well cared for.  When folks ask where he is and I tell them, EVERYONE says nothing but good about it.  The director of nurses is roaming the halls, if you can believe that.  She is friendly, the staff are friendly and everyone asks if you are looking bewildered "Can I help you?"  Maybe they have been taught to do that, but they have been taught well.  I can't help but think that maybe because it is a small town, and the workers are mostly from around there, that maybe it gives them a sense of community, and a desire to work together.  Everyone from the shift nurse to the CNAs come in and sit down and chat to get acquainted.  The OWNER roams the halls!  He saw me as I was leaving the other day and gave me a big hug and said "You did it!"  I said, "No, God did it!"
The administrator was wearing a Chiefs shirt yesterday.  His office is right down the hall from Bob's room.  You have heard that the Chiefs are in the playoffs Sunday, right?  The director of nursing was wearing a Chief's shirt.  Her office is also right on the unit.  The nurse's office is 2 rooms down from Bob.  His evening CNA had a Chief's shirt on.  He is going to the game Sunday and tailgate.  OK, maybe there are a FEW crazy people that work there.....
Thanks to all my friends who have supported me through all of this.  I think this was even more traumatic than it will be when Bob dies.  I am somewhat prepared for that.  I was not prepared for this and the stress it would cause.  But again, if it can be helpful to someone else, it was worth it.
Go Chiefs!
Betty