I have skipped a month in my blogging.  It is partly due to the fact that I have been so busy, but also, not that much has changed with Bob.
I have just returned from a drive to TN where I saw the three grandchildren there, and then saw grandson Jaden from St. Louis on the way back.  It is so wonderful to be able to travel and know that Bob is content and well cared for.  This time when I returned he greeted me with a big hug, something that he has not done in a long time.  Thank you to friend Harry Janke who checked on him while I was gone.  He is happy just to sit and hold Harry's hand, unspoken communication.
I have written before about some guidelines in talking to someone with dementia, but these are a little different.  It is often difficult to hold a conversation and maybe these tips will help.

1.  Approach from the front so as not to startle.  I specifically saw this with a man that had been a security guard, and became understandably combative, when he was surprised when being approached from behind.
2.  Converse at eye level.  This also works with children--they are so much more receptive when you kneel down in front of them instead of tower over them.
3.  Never argue or disagree, instead join their reality.
4.  Keep it simple.  Stick to short specific statements.  I have learned not to use the word "and."
5.  Reminisce--in general, older memories are easier to recall than recent ones.  It is very hard for me not to say "remember this person?" or "remember when?"  It just causes stress as they strive to remember something that is maybe there, but they can't put it into words.
6.  If an upset occurs, acknowledge their feeling and redirect with a change of scenery or a new topic.  We used to remind each other when we were watching grandkids--DIVERT!  DIVERT! (We were not that astute when OUR kids were growing up!)
7.  Don't be offended if you are not remembered in the moment.  It's not you, it is the dementia.

I would like to relate a story that only those of you who know our precious pastor can appreciate.  He had messaged me and asked when he could go with me to see Bob.  We set up a time, and went out to The Piper.  Another resident wandered in and joined the conversation.  Bob and this other resident have struck up a friendship and it is quite entertaining listening to them converse.  It makes no sense from either side, but it is satisfying to both of them, and they seem to enjoy it.  Bill asked our pastor, Doug Elsey what kind of work he did.  Pastor Elsey (who is from England) responded in his fine British accent that he was a "poster".  Bill seemed quite confused.  He said "I have never heard of a poster before.  Is it like an imposter?!"  Dear Pastor Elsey took it all in stride, and patiently explained more about his ministry.
This evening we had another wonderful visit with a few employees that Bob had been buddies with for years at the hospital.  His secretary, Judie Royer was already at the hospital when he came in 1974, but Janet Jordan and Fred DeSieghardt were hired just a couple of years later.  Fred and Bob had a special bond, as both have/have had/ cerebral palsy.  Fred has now worked at the hospital for 40 years and is 64 years old.  That seems unbelievable to me!  Fred now has grey hair, but he is the same sincere person he always has been and he was so excited to see Bob.  Fred sends Bob a "thinking of you" card every month.  Bob seems to be more cognizant recently, and it looked like he obviously recognized everyone, even if he couldn't say their names.  I took a photo album, and of course Fred remembered everyone in the pictures!
As the Thanksgiving season approaches, I am so thankful I still have Bob.  When he went on hospice in May, I was sure he wouldn't be here for the holidays.  But things have changed so much for the better, that now I can go see him, and just sit there with him and read a book and enjoy his company without saying a word.  I don't know how long this phase will last, but I am grateful for the little things, and cherish them.  I would like for things to be how they used to be, but....

We only THINK we might write the story different because we don't know the same things the Storyteller knows.
YOUR kingdom come--not OUR kingdom.
THY will be done--not OURS
YOUR story be written--not OUR way, but YOUR way.

Enjoy your holidays with your families.  I am going to get on my soap box for a minute.  PLEASE put down your cell phones.  Make the kids put theirs down, especially at mealtime.  Have a real family conversation.  Be present in the moment. Communicate. You will be blessed by it.

Betty