Today is Bob's 78th birthday.  Permit me, if you will, to be a bit introspective.  When he was placed on hospice about a year and a half ago, I was sure he wouldn't make it to his 77th birthday, let alone his 78th.  I am thankful for the borrowed time we have been given.  It has been a blessing to me, and I cherish it.   His brother was here to see him from Baltimore, and Bob looked at Steve like a conspirator and laughed and said "I know you"; probably thinking of antics in their past life.  But he couldn't say his name.  Our daughter Valerie was here for his birthday and she told him she loved him and he answered back "I love you too."  But he couldn't say her name.  It is weird that he never has the blank look in his eyes that other residents have.  He does when he first wakes up, and it takes him awhile to wake up, but then he seems more aware and more communicative than he was a year ago. 
I don't know how many of you watched the story on "60 Minutes" with Carol and Mike.  CBS has been following them for a decade from when she was diagnosed to the present.  I watched it with tears in my eyes, as their story parallels ours almost exactly.  She was diagnosed in 2008; Bob in 2009.  They have been married 54 years; we just celebrated our 55th.  Mike said "I am a big NYC cop, I can care for her at home, no problem."  I said, "I am a nurse, I can care for Bob at home, no problem."  But 10 years later Mike was to the brink of suicide, and has placed her in a facility.  I was not to the brink of suicide, but I knew I had to place Bob before I became severely depressed. 
The program went on to give some statistics.  For every one Alzheimer's patient, 10 people are affected.  Treatment is usually started too late; it should be started when symptoms are first noticed.  A big part of Alzheimer's research is now focusing on how to detect the disease earlier. A guideline for how to live the rest of your life and end of life choices should be discussed with next of kin, and those wishes should be respected as much as possible.   Most Alzheimer's patients live less than 10 years; most live 4-8 years.  But I have a friend whose husband was diagnosed 18 years ago, so it is a very broad spectrum.  On a side note--remember to make a copy of your new Medicare card and keep it at home.  It is not your social security number any more--thankfully!  And give the new number to all your care providers!
Over the last few years my patience has been tested and I have wondered "where do I go from here."
But so many times the answers have come to me and I can't help but say "That had to be you, God".
And I couldn't have made it this far without the help of family and friends and a wonderful support group.  I have talked in this blog about Bob's stamp collection and wondered what to do with it.  After contacting several dealers I came up with the same answer every time--it is worth nothing, just use the stamps on your letters (which I don't write any more!) But I have started giving sheets of them away as gifts, as people do use them occasionally!  I sent one to my cousin in South Dakota.  Her father was a stamp collector, and Bob initially got interested through him.  Now my cousin has his collection, and she still collects a little.  This cousin is more like a sister to me than a cousin, except we don't fight.  So we were chatting on the phone and I was telling her I was flumoxxed as to know what to do with Bob's collection.  Long story short, it turns out that she still is in contact with her high school history teacher who is still an avid stamp collector.  And better yet, he wants stamps from all over the world so he can work with underprivileged children and get them interested in stamp collecting just for the joy of it, and the knowledge it brings.  Bob would have liked nothing better to happen to his stamp collection.  So I loaded the whole collection in the car, plus many loose stamps I had from a few years as a child in Africa, and drove to South Dakota.  Not only did we have a great time, another closet in my house is cleaned out!  It had to be a God thing!
As I reflect further, I can't help of thinking about my friends who have loved and lost recently.  A spouse, a son, and even a beloved pet.  I think of Nancy Reagan and the love of her life, President Ronald Reagan, who had Alzheimer's.   His daughter Patti Davis wrote a book "The Long Goodbye: Memories of My Father".  When will it be MY turn?
From my favorite website: glmidailyinspiration@gmail.com--The truth is, we always know in our heart the proper course of action to take in any given circumstance.  But too often, we allow our doubts, fears, anxieties, etc. to speak louder than that voice of reason, and convince us in our minds to do something contrary...possibly leading to a long and difficult journey down the wrong path.  Taking the time to "be still", and listen to your heart and the "still small voice" of the Spirit, will pay endless dividends.
A final quote from The Land Before Time--
Let your heart guide you.  It whispers, so listen closely.
Until next time,
Betty