It is the holiday season again.  With it come all the emotions and feelings known to mankind (and womankind)!  Joy, peace, happiness, loneliness, stress, cold, warmth, dreariness, dread, family tensions, love, laughter, sorrow, to name just a few.  The business of unfinished shopping, wrapping, baking, and parties crowd out what the season is really about--the birth of a babe in a manger long ago in Bethlehem.  And for those that are grieving, the feelings are just intensified.  No matter how long it has been since the lost of a loved one, memories flood your eyes, and water drops to your shirt or blouse.  Like Willie Nelson says in his new song "It is not something you get over, it is something you get through."  And many will feel, I am afraid, that they just have to get through the holidays. 

For me, some memories are especially poignant even though I technically haven't lost Bob yet. 
Kneeling in church together, our arms intertwined, especially when the church is decorated beautifully.
Hearing a favorite song on the car radio, and reaching over to take his hand, and have him squeeze mine.  One of our favorites was when Elvis sang "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
Cuddling up to sleep when baby it is cold outside!
Watching a football game together, and "sometimes" yelling till we were hoarse.  He especially liked to watch Notre Dame--the "fighting Irish"!  (And he did root for the Chiefs!)
Decorating the house for Christmas together.  His favorite job was putting the candle lights in the windows.
Watching him enjoy the fruits of my labor when I baked the special foods of the season.  He even liked fruitcake, so I baked them for him from an old recipe that he liked.
Preparing the Christmas cards together.  His job was to put the stamps and the return address labels on.  We would comment about each friend and family that the card was addressed to, and hope that we would get a letter or a note this year instead of just a signature on the card!
For some reason, it has been especially hard for me to do the cards this year.  Do I sign both of our names on the card?  He doesn't know they are even being sent out.  (I finally ended up signing both our names, since the enclosed picture is of both of us.)

I found the following in www.thegrieftoolbox.com.  It is the Bereaved Holiday Season Bill of Rights by Tanya Lord.  "As a grieving person you have certain inalienable rights that cannot be taken away from you by those who may not understand."
When grieving during the holiday season you have the right to:
*To feel what you feel and to be politely honest with others about it.  If you do not feel merry, cheerful or otherwise festive then say so.
*The right to not share your feelings if you would rather.  "I am fine" is okay to say.
*To not go to parties or family gatherings where your loved one and your grief are not welcome.
*To take time for yourself.  Whether this is a walk alone, a day in bed or some other momentary escape.
*To cry when it hurts, to laugh when something is funny, and to smile when you are happy, and to not feel guilty about any of it.
*To have your loved one remembered in a way that is meaningful to you.
*To change your mind over and over during any get together, event or party.  You may not know what you can or cannot handle until faced with it.
*To change traditions when necessary or desired.  Traditions are supposed to bring comfort, not distress.
*To enjoy your holidays.  Your loved one is going to be celebrating with you.  It doesn't mean that you have forgotten or are being disrespectful.  Living is a wonderful way to honor them.

Bob is still doing as well as can be expected.  On the weekends different friends come with me to
The Piper and we have sing-a-longs of Christmas carols and Christmas songs with the residents.  It is amazing how many of the songs they know and remember the words to!  You should hear them sing "Rockin' around the Christmas tree" and "We wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
Last week we shared memories of Christmas that were special to them--cutting the tree, ice skating, blizzards and warm bonfires.  Even in that incongruous setting, I could see joy in their eyes.  I don't know if any of them rode in a one horse open sleigh, but they sure can ring the bells when we sing "Jingle Bells"! 

During this special season I hope you will join me in finding things that will make you happy, and give you peace.  As it said above, "Living is a wonderful way to honor them."  So go ahead!  Live
life to the fullest, and take time to enjoy it.

Love to each of you,
Betty