Greetings from the frozen tundra that is the Midwest right now!  But as Percy Bysshe Shelley said "O, wind, if winter comes, can Spring be far behind?"  He certainly was an optimistic soul, wasn't he?  I am beginning to think winter will never end!  To keep myself busy and occupied and to while away the hours, have turned again to my pillow making.  I have made so many for my friends of their spouses shirts and sweaters after their loved one's passing that I decided to make one for myself.  So I took one of my favorite shirts of Bob's and made one for me to hug!  Then daughter Valerie reminded me that she would like one was well, so I took one of Bob's Pendleton wool shirts that we all love, and made one for her.  Then she said she would like one made from one of my shirts, and since I cannot make one for her after I am dead, I decided I had better get busy on it.  After all, I could die prematurely in an auto accident or plane crash.  So I took a jacket, also made of Pendleton wool,  that my grandmother made for me when I was in the 7th grade (and by the way it still fits!) and made the pillow from that.  I think they turned out great as they are both red and black plaid.
So, as Mark Twain mused, "Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated, " I too am forced to face my own mortality.  And although some may look on it as very morbid, I had a wonderful time planning my own memorial service.  When Valerie vehemently protested when I gave it to her for safe keeping, again I reminded her that I cannot plan it after my death.  The only clue I can give you is that some of you would absolutely love it, and some of you would absolutely hate it!  So I am inviting those of you who are MUCH younger than me to please come to my memorial celebration and see for yourself!  Am I going crazy with this cold weather or what?!
Last week I made a spur of the moment trip to Baltimore, Maryland where all of Bob's family still lives.  Though we have known for some time that Bob's older brother has a progressive lung disease, the reality of his prognosis didn't hit home to me until he was placed on hospice care.  I decided that I would like to get there and see him and tell him good-bye rather than go to the funeral.  I was worried I wouldn't get there in time, as flights were sold out or were cost prohibitive when I started to try to make reservations.  But I am so thankful that I made it.  Though I knew it would be hard seeing him weak and bedfast, he was so glad to see me, so it made it all worthwhile.  Harrel, you have been a great family patriarch.  He was 10 when his mother and father both walked out on the family and left their 65 year old grandmother to raise 4 boys, the youngest then 2 and 1/2, on just her Social Security.  If you have been around Bob at all, you have heard him tell this story.  The four boys owe a debt of gratitude to their grandmother they can never repay.  She kept them from being separated even though it was extremely hard and they had to live in the slums of Baltimore.  Thank you again Harrel, as being the eldest, more responsibility was on your shoulders.  Safe and peaceful passage to you.
I got to see all the brothers and their families, and also some dear friends during the short time I was there.  As we age, those connections somehow seem dearer to us, don't you agree?
With permission, I would like to include a paragraph from Karina Pettey, a young wife and mother that has beat breast cancer twice, and hopefully forever.  She is a daughter of one of my nursing roommates and was raising her family while going through surgery, chemo, and radiation.  She had her own blog during the time, but that chapter is now closed, and she was writing as a guest on another blog.  Here are some excerpts I want to emphasize:  "Respect for your friend's family circle, choices, and values is especially important during periods of vulnerablity.  Respect does not mean you would make the same choices yourself.  It means having healthy conversation and still being supportive friends.  Respect your friend's medical philosophy and choices.  Ask your friend what she wants her journey to look like.  What is her set of healthcare values?  What are her wishes?  She likely needs a friend to bounce ideas around with.  To be a trustworthy sounding board, it helps if you've care enough to understand her diagnosis and medical philosophy."
I remember when I was working and a patient that had been in the hospital for weeks would die.  I would ask the family which funeral home I should call.  They would look at each other blankly and shrug their shoulders.  Then I would have to get out the phone book (remember those dinosaurs?!) and point to the mortuary section.  As a nurse, I just couldn't understand why they hadn't thought about that ahead of time.  But now I understand.  You are dealing with so much of the present, that you don't want to think of the future with its sorrow and loss.  Identify with them and be respectful.
  I also went to see the church in Baltimore where we got married, and could picture us, in the prime of good health, and very much in love.  But now Bob again weighs what he did when we got married.  And it is a very different picture now.  He just sits and looks at the food and can't figure out what to do with it.  They feed him, and I go early when I can to help with that, and bring him snacks and goodies in the middle of the afternoon.  He still has his sweet tooth....
I am getting ready to leave this frozen land soon and go where it is warm and take 9 year old Libby to Disney World during her Spring break.  Isn't Disney World the happiest place on earth?  So I will identify with the younger generation during that time, and hopefully monsoons and tornadoes won't be able to catch us!  Life goes on!
Until next time,
Betty