I am in a "devil-may-care" mood today.  Some of you have said you appreciate me being transparent.  So hang on to your hats, here we go!

When I wrote the last blog, Bob had had a urinary tract infection that continued even after a round of antibiotics.  I had a trip coming up that I planned in January, and I agonized over taking the trip, even up to the day before.  I was afraid he would get septic and pass while I was gone.  But the nurse at Hillside told me to go and they would take good care of Bob, and I knew they would.  And I decided that he would want me to go, so I did.  I planned to see his relatives, that were starting to deal with the problems that come with aging.  Some of you know about those, don't you?! We had a cookout the Sunday before Memorial Day.  We needed Bob there to tell his stories.  Usually Bob was the life of the party, and as he didn't drink, he had to carry the party until the others got drunk enough to start talking!  Fortunately we have some of those stories recorded for posterity, first on VHS, and then I had them transferred to a DVD.  I could tell you some of those stories, but I draw the curtain here.  But they were all true...And I got to go to the Eastern Shore of Maryland which is much different from mainland Maryland.  Bob's family all came from there and the town of Woolford is where his ancestors came from.  I got to go to the Old Trinity Church, built in 1675.  It is the oldest church in the USA that is still in use.  The graveyard surrounding the church has many headstones with the name "Woolford", some from the 1600s and some illegible.  When Bob passes, I will take some of his ashes and scatter in the peaceful river that runs right by the church.  I also was able to take more time on this trip and see things I had never seen before, such as Aunt Kate's house, and another Woolford cemetery that we happened on accidentally.  We also visited a Victorian house where I lived as a teenager in Chestertown.  It is a historic, quaint old town, that has many beautiful homes built in the 1700s.  It also has a college there that was started in the 1700s, Washington College.  All the houses there have been kept up, including the one I lived in 63 years ago.  Unfortunately I didn't appreciate it like I should have, as the house didn't have air conditioning.

And I got to see my forever friend Marian, who lives in Hagerstown.  We have been friends since I walked into a new school on my 16th birthday, having moved from beautiful Coeur d'Alene (heart of the mountains) Idaho to Baltimore.  Of course I was shy and afraid, but she immediately came up to me and from that moment on we "clicked"!  We have kept in touch through the years and have seen each other a lot.  I miss all the historical things to do in Maryland.  I got to see Antietam (Civil War battlefield and an old favorite), Annapolis (the Capitol of Maryland and oozing with history), Flight 93 memorial in Pennsylvania (a new site for me, and totally worth seeing).  

I flew home at midnight Wednesday, and went to see Bob Friday and for several hours today.  He is the same as when I left, but there is still a lot of blood in his urine.  Of course I worked in a hospital, and all the UTIs that came in untreated had turned to sepsis.  So something else must be going on.  But as I said last month,  I am not going to put him through going to the hospital and through a battery of tests to see what it is.  I just wonder how long he can go on loosing this much blood.  He is like the energizer bunny--he just keeps on going!  And he still doesn't seem to be in pain.  If he is in pain, he would let people know it.  When I try to cut his fingernails (a podiatrist does his toenails) and I get to close to the "quick" he lets me know with a vehement OUCH!

Okay, here comes the shockers, and you can agree or disagree!  I have come to the conclusion that to he** with the healthy eating and exercising.  In the end it doesn't pay as you can't die.  As I have said before, Bob belonged to an online rowing club and he used the rowing machine 2 hours a day.  Why torture yourself??  He fell off the "wagon of healthy eating" once when he discovered Ben and Jerry's ice cream in Vermont.  He even had it shipped to Kansas on dry ice before it was carried in stores here.  Then he decided that it was counterproductive to his exercising and he gave it up.  Look!  He could have enjoyed it all these years!  In the end, SOMETHING is going to get you.  I saw all this tongue in cheek, as I am playing pickleball twice a week and do yoga to try to stay healthy.  So saying,  I have succumbed to the wiles of coffee flavored Haagen Dazs and I am going to enjoy it!

The other thing people don't like to mention is the financial aspect.  But I have seen people in the support wrestle with it, spend down so they could get on Medicaid, and go bankrupt.  BTW, in Kansas, the wife's 401K is protected in that spend down, but just a few miles away in Missouri it is not.  Not fair!  Some of the members have moved to Kansas to get around that.  And forget putting it in your children's names.  There is a 6 year look back for people that try that.  We have a wonderful stock broker and financial advisor, but I know how Bob felt in the 2008 downturn.  The cost per month where he is is between $7300 and $7500 a month, depending on how many days are in the month.  And that is because the facility is rural.  In the closer suburbs it is much higher, with generally much less care.  If Bob knew those facts, he would have a heart attack or if there was a plug to pull, he would pull it.  And the downturn in our portfolio last month was enough to give me a heart attack.  Along with the price of gas to go see him 3 times a week.  But that is important to me, and I will keep it up.  

Well, today started out bright and sunny, but now it is grey and overcast with another chance of rain, which is fine because the yard sprinkler system is broken and they are waiting for parts.  At least maybe this has brightened your day!  Again, tongue in cheek!

Betty