When I wrote the December post we were getting ready to go to St. Louis for Christmas, to our daughter Valerie and her family's home.  Ron brought his three children up from Chattanooga, TN.  We had a wonderful time, Bob did very well, and we will have memories to cherish.  Thanks to the Strickers for hosting everyone, and also for Tad's mother Karon Scott (who lives across the street) for providing some of the beds!  During that time we were at the highest point of the roller coaster named Alzheimer's.
When we got home, as is so often the case, the roller coaster took the deepest plunge down the track.
Before we went to St. Louis I could still go to lunch with friends, get groceries, run errands, and leave Bob in the house alone and he was always fine when I got back.  But it went from that status to where I wasn't able to let him out of my sight.  He would open the front door and go out "just to see what is out there." One night we were invited to some friend's home for dinner.  We had been sitting on the couch together.  I told him we were going over to Gail and Harry's for dinner, but I had to go upstairs and comb my hair.  When I got back 10 minutes later he was gone.  The light to the basement was on, so I ran down there, and here he was, sitting on the rowing machine.  It has been months since he has been in the basement and even more months since he has been on the rowing machine!  I had been struggling to get him UP stairs, and here he went DOWN all by himself!
From the very onset of the disease, even before he would admit he had it, he made me promise not to take him out in public if he would do something that normally would embarrass him.  I think we are already past that point.  And my criteria from the first has been that when I could no longer get outside the house, that would be a sign that I needed to do something.  I had gone to a support group a couple of years ago at a facility, but stopped as it was mainly for resident's families.  But one question I asked before I quit going was "How do you know it is time for placement?"  Everyone's answer immediately was, "Oh, you will know!"  So I had been praying for a sign, but all of a sudden signs started popping up all over the place.  It came down to basic safety issues.  He was GOING to fall down the stairs, it was just a matter of WHEN.
I am so glad I had done due diligence and had been looking at many places.  So I called one that had really impressed me.  I prayed that if this was the right facility that things would just fall into place.  And another sign was that they had called me out of the blue and asked if there was anything they could do to help me get through the holidays.  I told them we were going out of town, but to call back after the first of the year.  Well, it ended up that I called them before the first of the year.  And everything went amazing smooth.  It is called The Piper, and I had only heard good things about it, and had toured it twice and went to a seminar there once.  For those of you that live locally, it is out near the Legends, and will be open 2 years this coming June.  It is 2 floors of assisted living and one floor of dementia care.  Another consideration was that they are almost full, and I didn't want to be on a waiting list, as is the case with a lot of other area facilities.  One thing I was concerned about was the drive.  It is 8.2 miles from our house,  but it only takes about 12 minutes as it is mostly interstate.
So today was admission day.  Yesterday after the director called and said they had the needed doctor's
order and I knew it would happen for sure, we had lunch and then I put Bob in the recliner (which he normally can't get out of by himself) for his afternoon nap.  I was upstairs packing his things, pausing every once in awhile to wipe my eyes, as water kept running out of them.  All of a sudden, I heard this clicking noise and I about jumped out of my skin.  I whirled around and there was Bob, on his hands and knees (as he had crawled up the stairs) and he was clicking his tongue at me to get my attention.  He was grinning like a Cheshire cat!  He has been clicking his tongue at me for quite awhile, and I find it sweet, and much less annoying than patients who would snap their fingers at me!
In my November post I said that there were a lot of "firsts" in my life when I took a trip to Tennessee.  The first time to stay in a hotel alone.  The first time to eat at a restaurant alone.  Now there were many "lasts".  Last night was our last night to sleep together.  This morning was our last time to have breakfast in our home together (I fixed his favorite breakfast!)  We left about 10:30 this morning after I got the car all packed.  I am so thankful my dear friend Arlene Magruder went with me.  She was able to stay with Bob while I filled out tons of paperwork.  But again, I was so impressed with how thorough they were, and seemed genuinely committed to be able to do their best to care for Bob.  Everyone was so friendly and made us all feel at ease.  The facility has high ceilings, and a sunroom, so natural light streams in, and it has a calming effect.  On me at least!  Arlene and I then left and ate at Olive Garden.  I of course got my ultimate comfort food--spaghetti. Valerie and family are coming tomorrow as well, and that will help keep me busy!
I am now home alone, and am really tired since Bob got up at 3am this morning.  So I will leave you with this quote.  It is by Mara Botonis in "When caring takes courage".  And thank you to Amy Moore (who just lost her mother to Alzheimer's) for sharing it.  The message is for me tonight.
"Alzheimer's may have changed the LOVE that you share, but it can't ever, will never, have the power to completely erase it."
Thank you all for the support and love you all have given me.
Betty