Granddaughter Libby who has been staying with me to do virtual schooling is off to her tennis lesson, so I have time to collect my scattered thoughts!  The past two weeks have been a rocky road, and Friday was our Zoom support group that I desperately needed.  The support group is sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association so per their directive, we cannot meet in person until a vaccine is found.  Several of us were very tired of these Zoom meetings so thankfully one of the group organized the members in a garage coffee Saturday so we could meet in person.  We missed our moderator so much, but weekends are reserved for her family!  This blog is going to be titled "What would you do?"  and the questions are some of the topics of discussion at our coffee gathering.

Several of the facilities in town have quite a few cases.  Hillside so far has none, but I just can't help but think it will be a matter of time.  Peg, and anyone else that wants to comment on this post, please feel free to do so, even if you disagree with me.  There has been real controversy about not letting family in to see their loved ones.  The elderly are dying from loneliness in facilities without the comfort of their families, and the families are angry and frustrated that they can't go in.  I totally understand both viewpoints, believe me.  And it makes me angry to see nurses and other health care workers out in crowded places in the real world without their masks.  They have a duty because of where they work to keep themselves safe.  But what if you had it, and were still asymptomatic and went and visited your loved one, later tested positive, and infected both your loved one, and then as a result the whole community was infected.  How would you feel?  How would you feel and what would you do if your loved one was dying of COVID and was in the COVID unit at their facility.  Would you risk going in, even with protective gear, and risk infecting yourself and then potentially pass it on to your family.  How would you feel?  What if this drags on through the winter, which is looking more and more possible?  The facilities are trying to make accommodations, but the state regulations are onerous and keep changing all the time.  

I was praying to God as I decided to write this blog to guide me in what I said.  I literally sat down at the computer when my favorite nurse from Hillside called.  We have been talking on and off for the past 2 weeks as Bob has been running a fever up to 102 degrees.  Two COVID tests were negative, blood work looked fine, two chest X-rays were clear, and the first urine sample came back clear.  But because his urine looked so bad, they sent another one and did a culture and sensitivity on it.  This time it showed bacteria in the urine.  So the nurse was calling to tell me that the nurse practitioner had ordered oral antibiotics.  I had been wresting whether to allow that or just let nature take its course.  At one point she told me Bob was not eating or drinking, probably because he felt bad, and at that time, I said "no IVs and no IV antibiotics."  We discussed all aspects of this scenario in our garage coffee meeting as well.  It is so true that you don't know what to do until you walk in someone else's shoes, and these ladies all understand so well!  And we decided maybe it was something you could fret and stew over, but when the time came, it would be clear to you what to do.  His (and my) advance directive, which of course Bob deferred to me on, has a big question mark under "would you want to be given antibiotics?"  So when the nurse called today she told me she knew I was agonizing over it.  But she said that Bob was now eating and drinking well.  The other day she was feeding him and he tapped her arm to tell her he was ready for another bite!  She said the antibiotics that were ordered were oral and prescribed for twice a day for 7 days.  She has so much experience in this area I value her opinion.  She said she would recommend that we do the oral antibiotics, and then if they don't work, or if Bob stops eating and drinking again, then we would know that it was his time to go.  I am not going to ask "what would you do in this situation",  as it is still evolving, and I have to do what I think is right and be at peace with it.  When I was on the ethics committee at the hospital, we could make recommendations, but in the end, it was the family's decision.  

My emotions have been all over the place today as I found out that two of our husbands from the support group tested positive.  One is in a facility and the other is still at home.  I read an article from Elemental newsletter the other day by Tara Haelle.  She was talking about our surge capacity being depleted.  "Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems--mental and physical--that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters.  But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long.  Pandemics are different--the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely."  I don't know about you, but I am tired of it!  Plus all the fires, hurricanes, protests, and politics seem to be coming together for a perfect storm!

Tara goes on to ask "How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the 'new normal' is indefinite uncertainty?  Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass."

All I can know is that I can trust in the One who stilled the tempest on the Sea of Galilee so long ago.  He can calm the tempests in our hearts and give us strength to carry on.

And now I must go scare away the woodpecker that is determined to peck a hole in my house.  Libby is usually here to do it!

Betty