The holidays are upon us, and I am afraid they will look very different this year.  A memory popped up on my Facebook page the other day, and it showed a group of special friends that went to Bobs facility every year to play the piano and guitar and sing Christmas carols for the residents.  We had bells for them, and tambourines, so we made quite a joyful noise!  But this year that facility has had 76 COVID cases and 17 deaths, mostly in the dementia care area, so nothing would be the same.  So far Hillside Village where Bob is now has had a scattering among the staff, but when all the residents are tested, all have been negative.  That is amazing!

Bob seemingly recovered from the urinary tract infection he had when I wrote my last blog, with the help of oral antibiotics.  But I wonder if he completely recovered, as they noticed blood in his urine again the other day.  This time I asked that the battery of lab work and Xrays that were done before to figure out the cause of his temperature not be done.  He vomited Thanksgiving night, and they did another abdominal Xray the next morning.  I would have asked to wait a day or two as maybe he just ate too much Thanksgiving dinner, or something he had didn't agree with him.  I asked to speak to the Nurse Practitioner, who I had never met because of COVID.  I really respect NPs and we had a great conversation.  I told her that Bob had been taken off Hospice after he was at their facility for a few weeks, as he had such great care and things had turned around.  But I asked if we could still follow the principles of Hospice, and not be aggressive in his care.  She said that was certainly possible, as when they are taken off hospice, they would tend to forget that they had been.  It is a skilled nursing facility, so they certainly have capabilities to do everything.  I told her I just wanted Bob to be comfortable, and  not be taken to the hospital.  She said they could administer Morphine and everything just like hospice does.  It was good to talk with her and be on the same page.

The Director of Nursing's husband built an independent structure designed just for visiting during this COVID time.  It has a space for the resident, and a space for the visitors.  The two are separated by a plexiglass window.  There is a heater, and an intercom, so it makes a very comfortable place for you to visit with your loved one.  I have seen Bob a couple of times so far that way, and although he cannot communicate, I can see him clearly and talk to him and sometimes dance a jig to get a smile out of him.  I just wish I could touch him and hold his hand.  The last day I got to see him in March I was sitting by his bed holding his hand, and he was squeezing mine tightly.  I had no clue that the next day the lockdown would come, and I would not get to touch him again.  Of course, I didn't know then, and still don't know if he knows who I am, or if he is aware that I am not able to see him every other day as I used to.  When we had one visit outside 10 feet apart, he motioned for us to come closer.  And I am sure he didn't understand why we couldn't.  There would seem to be a flicker of recognition when Libby would come, but we couldn't even be sure of that.  He looks good and his weight is holding steady.  He did look like Einstein with a full fluffy head of hair, but one of the staff cut his hair and sideburns and now he just looks like Bob.  In a memoir of the life of Mary Cooper Back she states "Isn't it great to be married!  We had counted on the thrill, but we didn't know ahead of time about the great peace and contentment in just being together."  Ah, the little things we once took for granted!

I have said for many years that the holidays are not my favorite time of the year.  I just think of all the people that are alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas and it makes my heart sad.  And I am afraid this year it will be even worse.  I just hope that by telling my story of what I am going through now will become part of someone else's survival guide.  Several of our support group have lost their spouses recently, one to COVID and the others to natural progression of the disease.  I just hope memories of happier times will get them through the holidays, even though they may shed a tear or two, or many.  

So during this time, I wish you the Heart of Christmas which is Christ, the Blessing of Christmas which is Hope, and the Spirit of Christmas which is Peace.

Betty