This post could be called "Life at the Piper," or Peyton Place Piper, or any number of names. I have mentioned before the little lady that has taken a liking to Bob. She looks so sweet and innocent, but in her chest beats the heart of a cougar. Her normal self would probably be horrified at this turn of events. I will call her "Kitty" to protect the guilty (sincere apologies to a nursing roommate and still dear friend named Katherine, aka "Kitty"!) The last time we visited the Piper when friends Janet and Leonard were here, we were all in the sunroom. Leonard, being such a nice guy, answered Kitty as she engaged him. All of a sudden Kitty opened her sweater and flashed him. Fortunately she had a blouse on underneath. Then she went over to her rival, Janet, and flashed her as well. As Janet was staring dumbfounded at her abdomen, Kitty said "Look a little higher. You aren't looking high enough." Under normal circumstances I would take offense at my husband being stalked, but now I just try to find the humor in it, and Janet is as well. One of the other residents, a dear lady, has warned Kitty to keep away from Bob--"he is Betty's husband." And that HAS seemed to help.
The soap opera continues. One of the newer residents has a dog, and she is such a cute little thing. The owner is well enough to take some care of the dog, but when she takes her outside, she forgets to put the leash on, and the little Shit(zu) can scoot under the fence. This happened one day while I was there, and there was no one to chase her. So add dog-catching to my list of talents.
We are continuing with the impromptu singing for the residents. I want to emphasize that it is by no means a performance, and leading the singing while Gail plays the piano is NOT one of my talents. I have sung alto for years, and the melody to most of the songs is really high. But the residents seem to enjoy it so much and ask for us to sing when we come, so we do it just to please them. Some that never interact in any other way participate, and have beautiful voices. Many thanks to Arlene Magruder for printing out the lyrics to the songs, and anyone that happens to be there for handing them out and picking them up. One of the hymns that they really seemed to enjoy was "Never Part Again". Then I looked across the page at the hymn "In a little while we're going home" and immediately decided not to sing that. One day I was singing and playing the piano both as no one else except Arlene was there. I sang the song "Shenandoah" and Arlene told me that Bob started crying. I am glad my back was to him, otherwise I would not have been able to finish the song. Our memories of Shenandoah (National Park, not the river) started by going there on our high school senior class trip. We camped, as that was all anyone could afford, and a bucket of water froze overnight. After we were married and lived in Maryland we went there tent camping with the children, and would end up carrying them back from hikes. In later years we went back with them and stayed in cabins in the park, and did NOT carry them back from hikes. After they left home, Bob and I went back for a few anniversaries during trips to Maryland. One weekend we stayed at The Inn at Little Washington" which, if you live in the area, you know is about as far from tent camping as you can get. But it is right outside the park, so we went back in to the park to do the traditional hikes. So Bob must have been remembering the fun times we had there.
Kim, the director of the Piper, had the Alzheimer's Association download many of Bob's favorite CDs on to an iPod type device. It gives him about 7 hours of listening. He is not able to play it himself, but I started it for him the other day, and he seemed to enjoy it.
Sincerely, life at The Piper seems very homelike, and the staff is very pleasant and competent. I want to thank them all, as they have to be so patient to do that kind of work. I could not do that day after day. I like it there as it does not "feel" like an institution.
While we are talking about music, I would like to close with a song the Righteous Brothers made famous, "Unchained Melody". It has special meaning for me now, and I am sure it also strikes a chord with others who have already lost their mate.
Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch
A long lonely time
And time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love,
God speed your love to me.
Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers cry, wait for me, wait for me
I'll be coming home, wait for me.
Lyrics by HyZaret, music by Alex North
Leonard Marsh's favorite saying is "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." He went a bit further after our last songfest when he was here (with his baritone voice, never missing a word, even though we didn't have the lyrics all printed out yet.) "When life gives you Alzie, go ahead and Waltzie" he proclaimed.
Thank you Leonard. I will try to remember that.
Betty
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Friday, March 3, 2017
Bob has been at The Piper for almost 2 months now. He is doing very well. He has started physical therapy through Shawnee Mission Medical Center, and they think it is making him stronger, and able to balance better. Our son Ron was in town last weekend and went to see him. He and a CNA tried to get Bob from the dining table to an easy chair so they could visit better. Bob was moving the walker, but not his body. They told him that he would have to take a step, as the walker was getting farther and farther away, and he was going to fall flat on his face. He told them forcefully "I don't have to take a step." What is the saying? "Mind over matter"? When Bob first went there, he was having tremors so bad that I was starting to have to feed him. When the head nurse Karen Berning, did the intake assessment we were talking about the "whole lot of shaking" that was going on. She said the protocol was to give the minimum dosage of a drug, and asked if it was OK with me if they tried decreasing the resperidol that he was taking for agitation. I said, "Well, he is here now, so you will have to deal with the consequences!" She said they would decrease it to once a day instead of twice, but could increase it again if need be. I asked about adding depakote, which is normally given for seizures, but it is also given to decrease the extrapyramidal (outside the columns of motor fibers that run on each side of the spinal cord) side effects of resperidol. But Bob is very sensitive to drugs, so adding that could increase the chance of a whole new set of side effects, among them abnormality in thinking and tremors! I had asked the neurologist at the last appointment if the tremors were the beginning of Parkinson's disease, and he said no, just the progression of Alzheimer's. He knew Bob was taking resperidol, but did not pick up that the tremors were possibly a side effect of it. The tremors have almost stopped now with the decrease. So kudos to Karen! It pays to have someone that works with this all the time take over!
I have been playing the piano sometimes for the residents when I have gone out, and with friends Harry and Gail and Heather Janke and Arlene Magruder have done some sing-a-long type activities. Some (including Bob) really belt out the songs, and I can hear residents in other rooms singing as well. Arlene found a wonderful book of oldie but goodie songs that everyone will know, and the same group is going out again tomorrow and do it again. Bob is adapting very well to the "household" and it is fun to see the residents watch out for, and help each other. It is also wonderful to find out about the life stories of others that are there, and they are eager to tell you! Maybe with some embellishments!
I am so happy Bob is in a good facility, and the atmosphere there just seems so calming. There is a web site you can look up "Nursing Homes Abuse Advocate.com" and it tells the facilities in each state that are cited for abuse and/or neglect. It is refreshed every month. If you have questions about a particular facility you can go to them and ask to see the paperwork. They are required by law to show it to you. It may just be a complaint about a policy, or it could be much more serious. When you go to the site click on "menu" and then "offender by state." It is very interesting. Huge prices don't always mean good care.....
A little more "taking care of business" that some may be interested in. I watched a special on PBS about Alzheimer's disease that is now really a disease of epidemic proportions. They were talking about the state of Florida with it's aging population. When a person applies for Medicaid (NOT Medicare) there, it can take up to 5 years to be approved, they are so far behind. What do you do in the meantime? If you apply too soon, you won't be approved! It is having disastrous consequences in Florida, as after paying out Medicaid, the state has no funding for roads, education, or anything else. On the other hand, New Hampshire put a moratorium on building elder care facilities years ago as they could see the handwriting on the wall. Some facilities will tell you that they do not take "medicaid pending" patients as the person may not ultimately qualify. And what if a facility has a waiting list to get in? The timing can be very tricky, and you should enlist the help of a social worker or elder care attorney that "knows the ropes." However, when you are approved, the payment is retroactive to when you filed. Again, you have to cover it in the meantime. Some facilities require a nonrefundable downpayment when you are applying, others it is refundable. And what if you are private pay and then run out of money? Some facilities have a foundation that takes over and pays when that happens, but anyone please correct me if I am wrong, but I think that typically happens when you have bought into the facility. Another resource is veteran's benefits, and they are very helpful. I just found out when I filed my taxes this week that respite care and care in a long term care facility is tax deductible. There are some qualifications and fine print to this, but at least that is some help as well.
I am leaving in a couple of weeks on a grandchildren tour again while they are on Spring break, but it makes it so much more enjoyable when I don't have to worry about Bob while I am gone. And the cats will be well cared for as well, by Denise, who is a mutual friend of their former "mother" and me. She comes to the house, so they don't have to be stressed by moving. They have pretty much taken over the house....I just live here.
In closing, this has become my mantra. "Jesus will not give me everything I want, but He will give me everything I need." And I see daily evidence of His leading me in this journey.
Until next time,
Betty
I have been playing the piano sometimes for the residents when I have gone out, and with friends Harry and Gail and Heather Janke and Arlene Magruder have done some sing-a-long type activities. Some (including Bob) really belt out the songs, and I can hear residents in other rooms singing as well. Arlene found a wonderful book of oldie but goodie songs that everyone will know, and the same group is going out again tomorrow and do it again. Bob is adapting very well to the "household" and it is fun to see the residents watch out for, and help each other. It is also wonderful to find out about the life stories of others that are there, and they are eager to tell you! Maybe with some embellishments!
I am so happy Bob is in a good facility, and the atmosphere there just seems so calming. There is a web site you can look up "Nursing Homes Abuse Advocate.com" and it tells the facilities in each state that are cited for abuse and/or neglect. It is refreshed every month. If you have questions about a particular facility you can go to them and ask to see the paperwork. They are required by law to show it to you. It may just be a complaint about a policy, or it could be much more serious. When you go to the site click on "menu" and then "offender by state." It is very interesting. Huge prices don't always mean good care.....
A little more "taking care of business" that some may be interested in. I watched a special on PBS about Alzheimer's disease that is now really a disease of epidemic proportions. They were talking about the state of Florida with it's aging population. When a person applies for Medicaid (NOT Medicare) there, it can take up to 5 years to be approved, they are so far behind. What do you do in the meantime? If you apply too soon, you won't be approved! It is having disastrous consequences in Florida, as after paying out Medicaid, the state has no funding for roads, education, or anything else. On the other hand, New Hampshire put a moratorium on building elder care facilities years ago as they could see the handwriting on the wall. Some facilities will tell you that they do not take "medicaid pending" patients as the person may not ultimately qualify. And what if a facility has a waiting list to get in? The timing can be very tricky, and you should enlist the help of a social worker or elder care attorney that "knows the ropes." However, when you are approved, the payment is retroactive to when you filed. Again, you have to cover it in the meantime. Some facilities require a nonrefundable downpayment when you are applying, others it is refundable. And what if you are private pay and then run out of money? Some facilities have a foundation that takes over and pays when that happens, but anyone please correct me if I am wrong, but I think that typically happens when you have bought into the facility. Another resource is veteran's benefits, and they are very helpful. I just found out when I filed my taxes this week that respite care and care in a long term care facility is tax deductible. There are some qualifications and fine print to this, but at least that is some help as well.
I am leaving in a couple of weeks on a grandchildren tour again while they are on Spring break, but it makes it so much more enjoyable when I don't have to worry about Bob while I am gone. And the cats will be well cared for as well, by Denise, who is a mutual friend of their former "mother" and me. She comes to the house, so they don't have to be stressed by moving. They have pretty much taken over the house....I just live here.
In closing, this has become my mantra. "Jesus will not give me everything I want, but He will give me everything I need." And I see daily evidence of His leading me in this journey.
Until next time,
Betty
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Since I took a nap this afternoon and am wide awake, I will share another blog with you. I find that I am still catching up on sleep. I think I was not so physically exhausted, just emotionally exhausted.
I am trying to focus on all things positive. I cannot let myself have a "pity party"! Bob is still very happy and seems to be enjoying The Piper. When I visit him and tell him I am leaving, I always give him a kiss on the lips, but the other day another resident (female) beat me to it, and then I was a little hesitant to follow! I just have so much to be thankful for. I still remember the state hospital where we took our psychiatric affiliation in Sykesville MD (should have been spelled "Psychsville"). A few years after we were there, I guess due to lack of state funding, they just opened the doors and let everyone out on the street. I cannot imagine where they went. Homeless on the streets of Baltimore? The only ones that remained were the criminally insane. I also don't know what happened to whole multistory buildings of micro and macrocephalic children. So to be able to see Bob in a beautiful facility where he is content is wonderful. I take photo albums out and he is usually able to identify his brothers and grandmother in the albums.
I still miss Bob the most, I think, when I am watching football. We have a long history of football together. In high school we went together with a teacher to the Baltimore airport at 6am to watch the victorious Baltimore Colts come home. And he would write down all the plays from Sunday football games, and bring them to school Monday for me to type up. That was fine, but I could barely read his writing! We watched games together every Sunday before Superbowls were even thought of! And in recent months, when he didn't even know which teams were playing, he was still there to watch the game with me. Thanks to Gail and Harry Janke who invited me over for this Superbowl Sunday!
In this blog I am going to address caregiving of aging parents (I bet our children can't wait to read this!) Not to negate the ones taking care of their parents, but I have done both parents and spouse now, and it is a whole different ball game with your spouse. When you place parents in a facility, it doesn't turn your whole world upside down. My father died of Alzheimer's and my mother was able to stay on her 8 acre homeplace where they retired in the hills of Tennessee for 8 years afterward. She was still active as a nurse in the 13 bed hospital there, and set up a small surgery department to do minor surgeries. And she worked in a clinic for an old country doctor. When she was 85 years old, the doctor was away, and a patient came into the clinic in labor. Mother told her to go to the hospital in the nearest town, but she refused saying they didn't have insurance. She promised verbally she wouldn't sue if anything went wrong, and mother delivered the lady's 19th baby in the clinic. The dad went and got milkshakes for everyone while mother was bathing the baby and the mother, and then off they went, promising to be back for their 20th! Of course, the 19th baby is more dangerous than the 2nd baby, as the uterine muscles are weak, and may not clamp down to stop bleeding after delivery....A year later I had to move my mother here as she was having TIAs from high blood pressure than wasn't well controlled. She was in Overland Park Place, a beautiful independent living facility near the hospital where I worked for 6 years. But as I hear now from so many at the support group, she was not a happy camper, and as is so usual, took it out on her daughter. Her favorite saying was that she always went to breakfast so she could see who wasn't there, and had died during the night! She didn't need assistant living as I was her caretaker! We took her with us on travels, she flew back to TN to visit, and she came to spend the day at our home at least once a week. But she still wasn't happy. I tried to go every morning after I got off work and take her home cooked leftovers, and biscuits and gravy from the hospital (which she loved) as peace offerings, but it didn't help. I "got it" then, and I "get it" even more now as I age, how difficult it was for her to leave her home, her flower gardens, and her friends. After a bout of pneumonia with complications she had to move next door to the Overland Park Manor, a nursing home which she hated even more. She had a private room with all her furniture and pictures surrounding her, but she was still feisty! But at both facilities, people that worked there would pull me aside and tell me "When you are not here, she is the life of the party. She is just piling the guilt on you when you come." She was alert until the day she died at age 91.
I decided I needed another living thing in the house with me. A cousin told me that when she married and moved from the farm where she was raised, and moved to an apartment in a city, that she bought guppies. I decided I wanted to go up the scale a bit! I had a dear friend who died suddenly in September 3 weeks after finding out she had cancer. Her dying thoughts were about her two "fur babies", and what would happen to them. I could not care for anything else in September as I was caring for Bob, and a mutual friend, Denise, told me the family (there were not many family) was going to take them. Then the other day Denise texted me and said they had not been adopted as plans for the family to take them had fallen through. She asked if I knew anyone who would want them?! "They" are 2 gorgeous 8 year old kitties, Sadie, who is a tortoiseshell, and Smoky, who is a beautiful grey. They are sisters. They had been in Denise's basement for 3 months, as she is allergic to cats, and also has a dog. Well, God's timing was perfect, so now I am their proud owner. I think their routine was to sleep during the day, and they still are shy and hide during the day. But in the evening, they are ready to roll! When I go to bed, they jump on the bed, and have hissing wars as to who is going to get near me. Both will lay on their backs with every leg up and let me rub their tummies, and then they will do the "kneading" thing on my tummy. I think they are saying "thank you"! And I like to think that Ruth is smiling!
I will close with a quote by Gilda Radner. I totally agree with the first two sentences. The last sentence I am still working on believing! "Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
I have a cat rolling around on the keyboard...So goodnight!
Betty
I am trying to focus on all things positive. I cannot let myself have a "pity party"! Bob is still very happy and seems to be enjoying The Piper. When I visit him and tell him I am leaving, I always give him a kiss on the lips, but the other day another resident (female) beat me to it, and then I was a little hesitant to follow! I just have so much to be thankful for. I still remember the state hospital where we took our psychiatric affiliation in Sykesville MD (should have been spelled "Psychsville"). A few years after we were there, I guess due to lack of state funding, they just opened the doors and let everyone out on the street. I cannot imagine where they went. Homeless on the streets of Baltimore? The only ones that remained were the criminally insane. I also don't know what happened to whole multistory buildings of micro and macrocephalic children. So to be able to see Bob in a beautiful facility where he is content is wonderful. I take photo albums out and he is usually able to identify his brothers and grandmother in the albums.
I still miss Bob the most, I think, when I am watching football. We have a long history of football together. In high school we went together with a teacher to the Baltimore airport at 6am to watch the victorious Baltimore Colts come home. And he would write down all the plays from Sunday football games, and bring them to school Monday for me to type up. That was fine, but I could barely read his writing! We watched games together every Sunday before Superbowls were even thought of! And in recent months, when he didn't even know which teams were playing, he was still there to watch the game with me. Thanks to Gail and Harry Janke who invited me over for this Superbowl Sunday!
In this blog I am going to address caregiving of aging parents (I bet our children can't wait to read this!) Not to negate the ones taking care of their parents, but I have done both parents and spouse now, and it is a whole different ball game with your spouse. When you place parents in a facility, it doesn't turn your whole world upside down. My father died of Alzheimer's and my mother was able to stay on her 8 acre homeplace where they retired in the hills of Tennessee for 8 years afterward. She was still active as a nurse in the 13 bed hospital there, and set up a small surgery department to do minor surgeries. And she worked in a clinic for an old country doctor. When she was 85 years old, the doctor was away, and a patient came into the clinic in labor. Mother told her to go to the hospital in the nearest town, but she refused saying they didn't have insurance. She promised verbally she wouldn't sue if anything went wrong, and mother delivered the lady's 19th baby in the clinic. The dad went and got milkshakes for everyone while mother was bathing the baby and the mother, and then off they went, promising to be back for their 20th! Of course, the 19th baby is more dangerous than the 2nd baby, as the uterine muscles are weak, and may not clamp down to stop bleeding after delivery....A year later I had to move my mother here as she was having TIAs from high blood pressure than wasn't well controlled. She was in Overland Park Place, a beautiful independent living facility near the hospital where I worked for 6 years. But as I hear now from so many at the support group, she was not a happy camper, and as is so usual, took it out on her daughter. Her favorite saying was that she always went to breakfast so she could see who wasn't there, and had died during the night! She didn't need assistant living as I was her caretaker! We took her with us on travels, she flew back to TN to visit, and she came to spend the day at our home at least once a week. But she still wasn't happy. I tried to go every morning after I got off work and take her home cooked leftovers, and biscuits and gravy from the hospital (which she loved) as peace offerings, but it didn't help. I "got it" then, and I "get it" even more now as I age, how difficult it was for her to leave her home, her flower gardens, and her friends. After a bout of pneumonia with complications she had to move next door to the Overland Park Manor, a nursing home which she hated even more. She had a private room with all her furniture and pictures surrounding her, but she was still feisty! But at both facilities, people that worked there would pull me aside and tell me "When you are not here, she is the life of the party. She is just piling the guilt on you when you come." She was alert until the day she died at age 91.
I decided I needed another living thing in the house with me. A cousin told me that when she married and moved from the farm where she was raised, and moved to an apartment in a city, that she bought guppies. I decided I wanted to go up the scale a bit! I had a dear friend who died suddenly in September 3 weeks after finding out she had cancer. Her dying thoughts were about her two "fur babies", and what would happen to them. I could not care for anything else in September as I was caring for Bob, and a mutual friend, Denise, told me the family (there were not many family) was going to take them. Then the other day Denise texted me and said they had not been adopted as plans for the family to take them had fallen through. She asked if I knew anyone who would want them?! "They" are 2 gorgeous 8 year old kitties, Sadie, who is a tortoiseshell, and Smoky, who is a beautiful grey. They are sisters. They had been in Denise's basement for 3 months, as she is allergic to cats, and also has a dog. Well, God's timing was perfect, so now I am their proud owner. I think their routine was to sleep during the day, and they still are shy and hide during the day. But in the evening, they are ready to roll! When I go to bed, they jump on the bed, and have hissing wars as to who is going to get near me. Both will lay on their backs with every leg up and let me rub their tummies, and then they will do the "kneading" thing on my tummy. I think they are saying "thank you"! And I like to think that Ruth is smiling!
I will close with a quote by Gilda Radner. I totally agree with the first two sentences. The last sentence I am still working on believing! "Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."
I have a cat rolling around on the keyboard...So goodnight!
Betty
Friday, January 13, 2017
I usually only post a new addition to my blog about every month. But so many people have asking how he is doing and how I am doing, that I decided to write it tonight. Thank you all for your messages of love and support via Facebook and email. They mean a lot to me. He has been there for a week today. In that week, I had had time to sort out my myriad of feelings and also get some needed rest. I slept for 11 hours for a couple of nights. I guess I was more tired than I would admit!
First of all, I am SAD. No one could love Bob like I love him. (Isn't there a song like that?!) And no one could care for Bob like I could care for him. After all, I am a nurse, and I was giving him 1:1 care. Where else can you get such good staffing ratios?!
Then there is RELIEF. Relief that I was finally able to make the decision and be at peace with it. When both the Executive Director of The Piper and the Director of Nurses came to our home to evaluate Bob, I was so impressed. First of all, the DON had been a nursing assistant at SMMC. She worked days, so I didn't know her, but her now- husband worked nights as an RN on telemetry and I knew him well, and loved him! I am happy for them, and so proud of her! There is so much I like about The Piper. On weekends there is as much staff as on weekdays. The mealtimes are flexible, and if the resident doesn't want to eat when it is served, the staff will serve them later. If they don't like what is on the menu, they will fix them something different. (They have a whole list of Bob's favorite foods that they asked me to provide). They also allow pets. I would say that this is mostly on the assisted living floors, but there have been some on the dementia units, and the staff will also care for them for an extra fee.
Then there is PEACE. I may be wrong, but I don't think I will feel the guilt that so many people voice in the support groups. When they get rested up, they look back and think they could have gone on longer. Bob is going to have physical therapy, and I think that will do him a world of good. Maybe it will give him better balance and better strength so he won't fall, as he has fallen a couple of times since being there. I was right by his side the last 3 days, or he would have fallen more at home.
When I have been out to see Bob, he seems very content. He has never asked to come home with me, and that makes it easier. When I tell him I am leaving, he always says "Please be careful."
Then I am discomBOBulated! I can only compare this to when we have lost a beloved pet. You look at their favorite chair, fully expecting to see them curled up in it. Or you look behind you, fully expecting to see them following you. I have thought I have heard him breathing softly in the bed beside me. I am sure this will get better with time, although you miss them so. But I think of all the women that I know, and those that I don't know, who live alone for whatever reason. Even if you divorce and are happy to get the ******out, there must be a sense of loss. I am having to get used to cooking for one. I have never cooked for one before! The more people I am cooking for, the happier I am! But maybe it will help me lose a few unwanted pounds! So I am having to get used to a new "normal". But Erma Bombeck once said that "normal" is a setting on your washing machine!
I imagine that some people feel PITY for me. I know I did years ago when someone we knew was in my situation (little knowing that it would be my journey someday). But I am here to tell you there are worse things. Just look at the ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) patients whose body is deteriorating before their very eyes, they are unable to breathe, and yet their mind is totally alert! Or a mother or father, or grandmother or grandfather who has lost a child to death or heaven forbid, to abduction, and you don't know where they are, or if they are alright. I would have to be hospitalized, and sedated if that were the case.
Our support group was today and it was very timely for many of us. One lady whose husband's room was right across the hall from Bob's at The Piper died very suddenly and unexpectedly Wednesday. She was at the group to say good-bye, as after you lose your loved one, they ask that you find a grief support group. It brings the reality of the fragility of life very close to home.
I am hunkering down this weekend by the fireplace and read a good book. There is supposed to be an ice storm, but I can relax knowing Bob is well cared for even if I can't traverse the roads to go out to see him. But it still brings to mind the frantic times at the hospital when there was an ice storm and staff couldn't make it in. One of my hats as the night supervisor was to provide staffing for the next shift, and it still gives me nightmares!
One last quote--author unknown. "Faith is not about everything turning out OK. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out."
Betty
First of all, I am SAD. No one could love Bob like I love him. (Isn't there a song like that?!) And no one could care for Bob like I could care for him. After all, I am a nurse, and I was giving him 1:1 care. Where else can you get such good staffing ratios?!
Then there is RELIEF. Relief that I was finally able to make the decision and be at peace with it. When both the Executive Director of The Piper and the Director of Nurses came to our home to evaluate Bob, I was so impressed. First of all, the DON had been a nursing assistant at SMMC. She worked days, so I didn't know her, but her now- husband worked nights as an RN on telemetry and I knew him well, and loved him! I am happy for them, and so proud of her! There is so much I like about The Piper. On weekends there is as much staff as on weekdays. The mealtimes are flexible, and if the resident doesn't want to eat when it is served, the staff will serve them later. If they don't like what is on the menu, they will fix them something different. (They have a whole list of Bob's favorite foods that they asked me to provide). They also allow pets. I would say that this is mostly on the assisted living floors, but there have been some on the dementia units, and the staff will also care for them for an extra fee.
Then there is PEACE. I may be wrong, but I don't think I will feel the guilt that so many people voice in the support groups. When they get rested up, they look back and think they could have gone on longer. Bob is going to have physical therapy, and I think that will do him a world of good. Maybe it will give him better balance and better strength so he won't fall, as he has fallen a couple of times since being there. I was right by his side the last 3 days, or he would have fallen more at home.
When I have been out to see Bob, he seems very content. He has never asked to come home with me, and that makes it easier. When I tell him I am leaving, he always says "Please be careful."
Then I am discomBOBulated! I can only compare this to when we have lost a beloved pet. You look at their favorite chair, fully expecting to see them curled up in it. Or you look behind you, fully expecting to see them following you. I have thought I have heard him breathing softly in the bed beside me. I am sure this will get better with time, although you miss them so. But I think of all the women that I know, and those that I don't know, who live alone for whatever reason. Even if you divorce and are happy to get the ******out, there must be a sense of loss. I am having to get used to cooking for one. I have never cooked for one before! The more people I am cooking for, the happier I am! But maybe it will help me lose a few unwanted pounds! So I am having to get used to a new "normal". But Erma Bombeck once said that "normal" is a setting on your washing machine!
I imagine that some people feel PITY for me. I know I did years ago when someone we knew was in my situation (little knowing that it would be my journey someday). But I am here to tell you there are worse things. Just look at the ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) patients whose body is deteriorating before their very eyes, they are unable to breathe, and yet their mind is totally alert! Or a mother or father, or grandmother or grandfather who has lost a child to death or heaven forbid, to abduction, and you don't know where they are, or if they are alright. I would have to be hospitalized, and sedated if that were the case.
Our support group was today and it was very timely for many of us. One lady whose husband's room was right across the hall from Bob's at The Piper died very suddenly and unexpectedly Wednesday. She was at the group to say good-bye, as after you lose your loved one, they ask that you find a grief support group. It brings the reality of the fragility of life very close to home.
I am hunkering down this weekend by the fireplace and read a good book. There is supposed to be an ice storm, but I can relax knowing Bob is well cared for even if I can't traverse the roads to go out to see him. But it still brings to mind the frantic times at the hospital when there was an ice storm and staff couldn't make it in. One of my hats as the night supervisor was to provide staffing for the next shift, and it still gives me nightmares!
One last quote--author unknown. "Faith is not about everything turning out OK. Faith is about being okay no matter how things turn out."
Betty
Friday, January 6, 2017
When I wrote the December post we were getting ready to go to St. Louis for Christmas, to our daughter Valerie and her family's home. Ron brought his three children up from Chattanooga, TN. We had a wonderful time, Bob did very well, and we will have memories to cherish. Thanks to the Strickers for hosting everyone, and also for Tad's mother Karon Scott (who lives across the street) for providing some of the beds! During that time we were at the highest point of the roller coaster named Alzheimer's.
When we got home, as is so often the case, the roller coaster took the deepest plunge down the track.
Before we went to St. Louis I could still go to lunch with friends, get groceries, run errands, and leave Bob in the house alone and he was always fine when I got back. But it went from that status to where I wasn't able to let him out of my sight. He would open the front door and go out "just to see what is out there." One night we were invited to some friend's home for dinner. We had been sitting on the couch together. I told him we were going over to Gail and Harry's for dinner, but I had to go upstairs and comb my hair. When I got back 10 minutes later he was gone. The light to the basement was on, so I ran down there, and here he was, sitting on the rowing machine. It has been months since he has been in the basement and even more months since he has been on the rowing machine! I had been struggling to get him UP stairs, and here he went DOWN all by himself!
From the very onset of the disease, even before he would admit he had it, he made me promise not to take him out in public if he would do something that normally would embarrass him. I think we are already past that point. And my criteria from the first has been that when I could no longer get outside the house, that would be a sign that I needed to do something. I had gone to a support group a couple of years ago at a facility, but stopped as it was mainly for resident's families. But one question I asked before I quit going was "How do you know it is time for placement?" Everyone's answer immediately was, "Oh, you will know!" So I had been praying for a sign, but all of a sudden signs started popping up all over the place. It came down to basic safety issues. He was GOING to fall down the stairs, it was just a matter of WHEN.
I am so glad I had done due diligence and had been looking at many places. So I called one that had really impressed me. I prayed that if this was the right facility that things would just fall into place. And another sign was that they had called me out of the blue and asked if there was anything they could do to help me get through the holidays. I told them we were going out of town, but to call back after the first of the year. Well, it ended up that I called them before the first of the year. And everything went amazing smooth. It is called The Piper, and I had only heard good things about it, and had toured it twice and went to a seminar there once. For those of you that live locally, it is out near the Legends, and will be open 2 years this coming June. It is 2 floors of assisted living and one floor of dementia care. Another consideration was that they are almost full, and I didn't want to be on a waiting list, as is the case with a lot of other area facilities. One thing I was concerned about was the drive. It is 8.2 miles from our house, but it only takes about 12 minutes as it is mostly interstate.
So today was admission day. Yesterday after the director called and said they had the needed doctor's
order and I knew it would happen for sure, we had lunch and then I put Bob in the recliner (which he normally can't get out of by himself) for his afternoon nap. I was upstairs packing his things, pausing every once in awhile to wipe my eyes, as water kept running out of them. All of a sudden, I heard this clicking noise and I about jumped out of my skin. I whirled around and there was Bob, on his hands and knees (as he had crawled up the stairs) and he was clicking his tongue at me to get my attention. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat! He has been clicking his tongue at me for quite awhile, and I find it sweet, and much less annoying than patients who would snap their fingers at me!
In my November post I said that there were a lot of "firsts" in my life when I took a trip to Tennessee. The first time to stay in a hotel alone. The first time to eat at a restaurant alone. Now there were many "lasts". Last night was our last night to sleep together. This morning was our last time to have breakfast in our home together (I fixed his favorite breakfast!) We left about 10:30 this morning after I got the car all packed. I am so thankful my dear friend Arlene Magruder went with me. She was able to stay with Bob while I filled out tons of paperwork. But again, I was so impressed with how thorough they were, and seemed genuinely committed to be able to do their best to care for Bob. Everyone was so friendly and made us all feel at ease. The facility has high ceilings, and a sunroom, so natural light streams in, and it has a calming effect. On me at least! Arlene and I then left and ate at Olive Garden. I of course got my ultimate comfort food--spaghetti. Valerie and family are coming tomorrow as well, and that will help keep me busy!
I am now home alone, and am really tired since Bob got up at 3am this morning. So I will leave you with this quote. It is by Mara Botonis in "When caring takes courage". And thank you to Amy Moore (who just lost her mother to Alzheimer's) for sharing it. The message is for me tonight.
"Alzheimer's may have changed the LOVE that you share, but it can't ever, will never, have the power to completely erase it."
Thank you all for the support and love you all have given me.
Betty
When we got home, as is so often the case, the roller coaster took the deepest plunge down the track.
Before we went to St. Louis I could still go to lunch with friends, get groceries, run errands, and leave Bob in the house alone and he was always fine when I got back. But it went from that status to where I wasn't able to let him out of my sight. He would open the front door and go out "just to see what is out there." One night we were invited to some friend's home for dinner. We had been sitting on the couch together. I told him we were going over to Gail and Harry's for dinner, but I had to go upstairs and comb my hair. When I got back 10 minutes later he was gone. The light to the basement was on, so I ran down there, and here he was, sitting on the rowing machine. It has been months since he has been in the basement and even more months since he has been on the rowing machine! I had been struggling to get him UP stairs, and here he went DOWN all by himself!
From the very onset of the disease, even before he would admit he had it, he made me promise not to take him out in public if he would do something that normally would embarrass him. I think we are already past that point. And my criteria from the first has been that when I could no longer get outside the house, that would be a sign that I needed to do something. I had gone to a support group a couple of years ago at a facility, but stopped as it was mainly for resident's families. But one question I asked before I quit going was "How do you know it is time for placement?" Everyone's answer immediately was, "Oh, you will know!" So I had been praying for a sign, but all of a sudden signs started popping up all over the place. It came down to basic safety issues. He was GOING to fall down the stairs, it was just a matter of WHEN.
I am so glad I had done due diligence and had been looking at many places. So I called one that had really impressed me. I prayed that if this was the right facility that things would just fall into place. And another sign was that they had called me out of the blue and asked if there was anything they could do to help me get through the holidays. I told them we were going out of town, but to call back after the first of the year. Well, it ended up that I called them before the first of the year. And everything went amazing smooth. It is called The Piper, and I had only heard good things about it, and had toured it twice and went to a seminar there once. For those of you that live locally, it is out near the Legends, and will be open 2 years this coming June. It is 2 floors of assisted living and one floor of dementia care. Another consideration was that they are almost full, and I didn't want to be on a waiting list, as is the case with a lot of other area facilities. One thing I was concerned about was the drive. It is 8.2 miles from our house, but it only takes about 12 minutes as it is mostly interstate.
So today was admission day. Yesterday after the director called and said they had the needed doctor's
order and I knew it would happen for sure, we had lunch and then I put Bob in the recliner (which he normally can't get out of by himself) for his afternoon nap. I was upstairs packing his things, pausing every once in awhile to wipe my eyes, as water kept running out of them. All of a sudden, I heard this clicking noise and I about jumped out of my skin. I whirled around and there was Bob, on his hands and knees (as he had crawled up the stairs) and he was clicking his tongue at me to get my attention. He was grinning like a Cheshire cat! He has been clicking his tongue at me for quite awhile, and I find it sweet, and much less annoying than patients who would snap their fingers at me!
In my November post I said that there were a lot of "firsts" in my life when I took a trip to Tennessee. The first time to stay in a hotel alone. The first time to eat at a restaurant alone. Now there were many "lasts". Last night was our last night to sleep together. This morning was our last time to have breakfast in our home together (I fixed his favorite breakfast!) We left about 10:30 this morning after I got the car all packed. I am so thankful my dear friend Arlene Magruder went with me. She was able to stay with Bob while I filled out tons of paperwork. But again, I was so impressed with how thorough they were, and seemed genuinely committed to be able to do their best to care for Bob. Everyone was so friendly and made us all feel at ease. The facility has high ceilings, and a sunroom, so natural light streams in, and it has a calming effect. On me at least! Arlene and I then left and ate at Olive Garden. I of course got my ultimate comfort food--spaghetti. Valerie and family are coming tomorrow as well, and that will help keep me busy!
I am now home alone, and am really tired since Bob got up at 3am this morning. So I will leave you with this quote. It is by Mara Botonis in "When caring takes courage". And thank you to Amy Moore (who just lost her mother to Alzheimer's) for sharing it. The message is for me tonight.
"Alzheimer's may have changed the LOVE that you share, but it can't ever, will never, have the power to completely erase it."
Thank you all for the support and love you all have given me.
Betty
Monday, December 12, 2016
This month has been both a month of sweet times and of challenges. The sweet time was this morning. For the past month Bob has been referring to himself as "he" and to me as "she". He gets the pronouns right for the most part. This morning he patted my leg and said "she works hard and he loves she." Aww! It is particularly poignant as "he" has threatened many times to fire "she" but I guess he has reconsidered! The challenges have been with the increasing incontinence. This is not what I would normally put in a Christmas post, but if it helps someone dealing with the same thing it is worth it! The Depends had gotten to the point where, when they were wet, gave off an odor I could not tolerate anymore. So I started looking for something else. I went to Sam's and found their premium brand with an odor control strip in them, so I bought them. I tried two of them and they leaked badly (anyone need 86 diapers, from a package of 88 that are in the trunk of my car waiting to be returned?) I knew Attends were good but had been avoiding them as I thought they all had tabs. But I went online (they are only sold online) and found some pull-up Attends and they have been excellent and have solved most of the problems. After doing many loads of washing!
I am going to confide at this point that Christmas is not my favorite holiday. I think of all the people who will not have a Merry Christmas. Those who have lost loved ones, who are estranged for whatever reason from those they love, for those who don't even have money to buy their children presents, and the list could go on and on. The perception that everything is supposed to be merry and bright only adds to the loneliness and depression. And don't get me started on the gift giving. When our children were little it was Cabbage Patch dolls that everyone fought over in the department stores. This year it is Hatchimals at up to $200 a pop. I read a post recently on Facebook from Carrie, a young new graduate nurse at the hospital when I was working. She is older now, as we all are, and has children of her own. She tells how she drove by a homeless man, not begging, but just sitting by the side of the road. She couldn't get him out of her mind, so she went to Target and bought him some warm socks and gloves, and a big steaming hot cup of coffee and took them back to him. She said when she left, he was crying. Carrie looks like an angel anyway with long blond hair, and I am sure he thought an angel had visited him that day. She didn't say if her children were in the car, but I hope they were, so they could have seen that is it truly "more blessed to give than to receive."
Now I am going to get on another soapbox. I recently read the book "The Emotional Journey of the Alzheimer's Family" by Robert B. Santulli and Kesstan Blandin. The following are some of the highlights presented in the book: 1. Focus on the present, as the past no longer can be recalled and the future is to abstract a concept to consider. Being present in the moment is a positive tool to promote happiness. And along the same line: 2. Be mindful and pay full attention to the moment at hand. I want to interject here about both the most valuable and yet most cursed thing of our lives--cell phones. Please, please this season, put aside your cell phone for just awhile and relate to your loved ones in the present moment. These moments are so fleeting, but can be stored later as such precious memories. This plea is for both young and adults alike to heed! 3. They talk about relaxation techniques--visualization, meditation, and prayer. Diane, the leader of my yoga class, is introducing prayer breathing for this Advent season. Last week the prayer was "Peace of Christ" on the inhale, and "rest in Me" on the exhale. It is a wonderful way to fall asleep at night!
Bob and I are going to our daughter Valerie's house in St. Louis for Christmas with her and her family. Our son Ron is bringing his children from Chattanooga to meet us there and see Pop Pop and have Christmas together. We are going the Friday before Christmas and then everyone is returning home Monday. I hope Bob can do well with being out of his routine, in a different house, and the commotion that we hopefully can keep to a minimum!
Peace to all of you this Christmas!
We love you!
"He" and "She"
I am going to confide at this point that Christmas is not my favorite holiday. I think of all the people who will not have a Merry Christmas. Those who have lost loved ones, who are estranged for whatever reason from those they love, for those who don't even have money to buy their children presents, and the list could go on and on. The perception that everything is supposed to be merry and bright only adds to the loneliness and depression. And don't get me started on the gift giving. When our children were little it was Cabbage Patch dolls that everyone fought over in the department stores. This year it is Hatchimals at up to $200 a pop. I read a post recently on Facebook from Carrie, a young new graduate nurse at the hospital when I was working. She is older now, as we all are, and has children of her own. She tells how she drove by a homeless man, not begging, but just sitting by the side of the road. She couldn't get him out of her mind, so she went to Target and bought him some warm socks and gloves, and a big steaming hot cup of coffee and took them back to him. She said when she left, he was crying. Carrie looks like an angel anyway with long blond hair, and I am sure he thought an angel had visited him that day. She didn't say if her children were in the car, but I hope they were, so they could have seen that is it truly "more blessed to give than to receive."
Now I am going to get on another soapbox. I recently read the book "The Emotional Journey of the Alzheimer's Family" by Robert B. Santulli and Kesstan Blandin. The following are some of the highlights presented in the book: 1. Focus on the present, as the past no longer can be recalled and the future is to abstract a concept to consider. Being present in the moment is a positive tool to promote happiness. And along the same line: 2. Be mindful and pay full attention to the moment at hand. I want to interject here about both the most valuable and yet most cursed thing of our lives--cell phones. Please, please this season, put aside your cell phone for just awhile and relate to your loved ones in the present moment. These moments are so fleeting, but can be stored later as such precious memories. This plea is for both young and adults alike to heed! 3. They talk about relaxation techniques--visualization, meditation, and prayer. Diane, the leader of my yoga class, is introducing prayer breathing for this Advent season. Last week the prayer was "Peace of Christ" on the inhale, and "rest in Me" on the exhale. It is a wonderful way to fall asleep at night!
Bob and I are going to our daughter Valerie's house in St. Louis for Christmas with her and her family. Our son Ron is bringing his children from Chattanooga to meet us there and see Pop Pop and have Christmas together. We are going the Friday before Christmas and then everyone is returning home Monday. I hope Bob can do well with being out of his routine, in a different house, and the commotion that we hopefully can keep to a minimum!
Peace to all of you this Christmas!
We love you!
"He" and "She"
Sunday, November 20, 2016
In my last post, I left off where I was leaving Bob in respite care and traveling to see the grandkids in St. Louis and Nashville. There were many occasions to celebrate, and many "firsts" on this trip. The occasions to celebrate were our son Ron's 50th birthday, and we went on the General Jackson showboat in Nashville and enjoyed dinner and the show on the boat. Then it was on to Halloween in Chattanooga, and the grandkids there like Halloween as much as I do! I was a big witch, and 7 year old Libby was a little witch, complete with a black tutu her sister Emme made for her. The next day was Emme's birthday--#13. I now have 2 teenage grandchildren as Nate is 15, and Jaden is fast approaching teenage years. Lord, help us! It was quite unbelievable that we have a 50 year old son....The "firsts" on this trip were that I stayed in a hotel room by myself for the first time, and ate at a restaurant by myself for the first time. It was weird asking for a table for one, but it was an outdoor restaurant in a gorgeous setting at Rock City where I could take pictures, so I was very content. When I came home, I stayed one night in our big creaking home by myself for the first time in many years. I was suddenly aware of the thought that this must be like being a widow. I have many friends who are, I am sure that no matter how emotionally prepared you think you are, it must be much different when it is a reality. But they are surviving, and I know I will as well. But in the meantime, I am going to enjoy the time I have left with Bob.
I was a little more apprehensive about leaving Bob this time, as the unit he is usually in for day stay, and where they know him, was full, so he had to be on another wing. But they were going to have Larry, who is so good with him, come over from the other wing and do his cares. I had taken Bob in on a Sunday morning, and the lady at the front desk showed us to his room, which wasn't ready, bed unmade, etc. They assured me they would find the linen, and make the bed, so I unpacked, and then took Bob out to the dining/community area where there were several staff around. I introduced myself, and said I was Bob's wife, and this was Bob, and he was going to be here for respite care. I was met only by grunts. I settled him in an easy chair, and tried again. Again, only grunts. It would have meant so much if someone had smiled, come over and greeted me, and welcomed Bob. It didn't happen, so I gave Bob a kiss, told him lunch would be soon, and I would be back in a few days, and then I left. I walked out the front door and who should I run into but Kathy Nealey, one of my many favorite night shift workers at the hospital. Her mother had been at Brookdale. She gave me a big hug, and I burst into tears. The director came out at that moment waving a paper I had forgotten to sign, so she saw me crying. I determined we would have a little chat when I was not so emotional! When I got back, I saw her in her office, and since her door is always open, I stopped in, and asked how Bob handled the stay. I told her why I was crying the day I left, and I could tell she was embarrassed. Then I told her that I had taught a class at Shawnee Mission Medical Center, called "The Spirit of Caring". Every employee had to take the class, so it was an ongoing thing for quite awhile. I told her that now that I had a loved one receiving care, and that the shoe was one the other foot, I would love to come and just give a talk to the employees. I told her I had worked in Labor and Delivery for 3 years before I had a baby, and I loved my job and gave the patients excellent care. But there was another factor after I had a baby myself, and that was empathy. After that, I was able to give even better care! I don't know if that talk will happen, but this unit just didn't seem as friendly as the previous one he was in. Anyway, the director and I started laughing as she related a story about Bob. One day she saw him racing by her open door. He was pushing his friend (another resident also named Larry) in a wheelchair, and Larry had a panic-stricken look on his face. Bob was pushing him very fast, and Larry's shoes were catching on the carpet. The director called out to Bob, and he turned long enough to say "F*** you" and kept on going. She ran after Bob and told him that he was missing a committee meeting, and he stopped immediately and said "Really?" She was able to divert him away from Larry, and she took him down to the library!
The afternoon I got back they called from Brookdale, and said Bob had fallen. I asked if I needed to come, as I had planned to rest that night and pick him up the next morning. They said no, he got right up, and seemed fine. So I went home and went to bed and slept for 11 hours. If the bogey men came to get me, I wouldn't have known about it! I brought him home, and he immediately fell asleep in the chair. He seemed so weak and unsteady. He fell twice in the next 2 days, once on the garage floor. I even got him a walker, but he walked around the house holding it over his head with one hand! But it has been over a week now, and he has slept a lot of the time, one morning till 10am which is unheard of! They said he had not slept much there, and wouldn't usually go to bed (which I still have trouble getting him to bed as well), so I think he was just exhausted. He hasn't fallen again, and seems to have more strength. The walker is in the garage. Many thanks to friends Harry and Gail Janke, Drew and Joanne Bodner and Douglas Elsey for going to check on him while he was in Brookdale and eased my mind by giving me reports.
As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday I would like to leave you with a quote from glmidailyinspiration@gmail.com. This email comes every weekday, and I enjoy it. I will have to admit I am having to work diligently on believing this quote, but I am trying to get to THAT PLACE!
"There IS something miraculous which takes place when we begin to view everything that comes
into our lives with a genuine sense of gratitude and appreciation. Things that may have previously appeared to us as insurmountable challenges, can now be seen as the opportunities they truly are, rather than problems. Instead of approaching life with a sense of quiet desperation or dread, we become alive with anticipation of what each new day may hold, bringing inspiration and a sense of peace and calm throughout. IN THAT PLACE a natural rhythm can be found, where time, chance and circumstance all begin to flow together as naturally as breath itself."
And my favorite Bible verse--"Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is (deepest) within me, bless His holy name! Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits---Who forgives (every one of) all your iniquities, Who heals (each one of) all your diseases. Psalm 103:1-3 (Amp)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Betty
I was a little more apprehensive about leaving Bob this time, as the unit he is usually in for day stay, and where they know him, was full, so he had to be on another wing. But they were going to have Larry, who is so good with him, come over from the other wing and do his cares. I had taken Bob in on a Sunday morning, and the lady at the front desk showed us to his room, which wasn't ready, bed unmade, etc. They assured me they would find the linen, and make the bed, so I unpacked, and then took Bob out to the dining/community area where there were several staff around. I introduced myself, and said I was Bob's wife, and this was Bob, and he was going to be here for respite care. I was met only by grunts. I settled him in an easy chair, and tried again. Again, only grunts. It would have meant so much if someone had smiled, come over and greeted me, and welcomed Bob. It didn't happen, so I gave Bob a kiss, told him lunch would be soon, and I would be back in a few days, and then I left. I walked out the front door and who should I run into but Kathy Nealey, one of my many favorite night shift workers at the hospital. Her mother had been at Brookdale. She gave me a big hug, and I burst into tears. The director came out at that moment waving a paper I had forgotten to sign, so she saw me crying. I determined we would have a little chat when I was not so emotional! When I got back, I saw her in her office, and since her door is always open, I stopped in, and asked how Bob handled the stay. I told her why I was crying the day I left, and I could tell she was embarrassed. Then I told her that I had taught a class at Shawnee Mission Medical Center, called "The Spirit of Caring". Every employee had to take the class, so it was an ongoing thing for quite awhile. I told her that now that I had a loved one receiving care, and that the shoe was one the other foot, I would love to come and just give a talk to the employees. I told her I had worked in Labor and Delivery for 3 years before I had a baby, and I loved my job and gave the patients excellent care. But there was another factor after I had a baby myself, and that was empathy. After that, I was able to give even better care! I don't know if that talk will happen, but this unit just didn't seem as friendly as the previous one he was in. Anyway, the director and I started laughing as she related a story about Bob. One day she saw him racing by her open door. He was pushing his friend (another resident also named Larry) in a wheelchair, and Larry had a panic-stricken look on his face. Bob was pushing him very fast, and Larry's shoes were catching on the carpet. The director called out to Bob, and he turned long enough to say "F*** you" and kept on going. She ran after Bob and told him that he was missing a committee meeting, and he stopped immediately and said "Really?" She was able to divert him away from Larry, and she took him down to the library!
The afternoon I got back they called from Brookdale, and said Bob had fallen. I asked if I needed to come, as I had planned to rest that night and pick him up the next morning. They said no, he got right up, and seemed fine. So I went home and went to bed and slept for 11 hours. If the bogey men came to get me, I wouldn't have known about it! I brought him home, and he immediately fell asleep in the chair. He seemed so weak and unsteady. He fell twice in the next 2 days, once on the garage floor. I even got him a walker, but he walked around the house holding it over his head with one hand! But it has been over a week now, and he has slept a lot of the time, one morning till 10am which is unheard of! They said he had not slept much there, and wouldn't usually go to bed (which I still have trouble getting him to bed as well), so I think he was just exhausted. He hasn't fallen again, and seems to have more strength. The walker is in the garage. Many thanks to friends Harry and Gail Janke, Drew and Joanne Bodner and Douglas Elsey for going to check on him while he was in Brookdale and eased my mind by giving me reports.
As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday I would like to leave you with a quote from glmidailyinspiration@gmail.com. This email comes every weekday, and I enjoy it. I will have to admit I am having to work diligently on believing this quote, but I am trying to get to THAT PLACE!
"There IS something miraculous which takes place when we begin to view everything that comes
into our lives with a genuine sense of gratitude and appreciation. Things that may have previously appeared to us as insurmountable challenges, can now be seen as the opportunities they truly are, rather than problems. Instead of approaching life with a sense of quiet desperation or dread, we become alive with anticipation of what each new day may hold, bringing inspiration and a sense of peace and calm throughout. IN THAT PLACE a natural rhythm can be found, where time, chance and circumstance all begin to flow together as naturally as breath itself."
And my favorite Bible verse--"Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is (deepest) within me, bless His holy name! Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits---Who forgives (every one of) all your iniquities, Who heals (each one of) all your diseases. Psalm 103:1-3 (Amp)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Betty
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