I am back home from my last trip of the summer. The cats even got in my suitcase when I unpacked, effectively letting me know that I am not going anywhere, anytime soon, without them! I took Granddaughter Libby home after a marvelous summer together. My friend and Bob's longtime secretary Judie went with me. From Chattanooga, TN we went on to Hunstville, AL to see the space center, and then on to Memphis, TN for Elvis week. We just totally unplugged from the world there, and relaxed and enjoyed the festivities for not just a week, but 10 days. We took a day bus trip to Tupelo, Mississippi where Elvis was born and grew up. Tupelo was much bigger than we thought it would be. We enjoyed seeing the house he grew up in, the church where he learned to appreciate music and the hardware store where he bought his first guitar. We made instant friends on the bus with sisters from the UK and did several things together and met up with them the rest of the week.
But now we are home to reality--having to fix our own meals instead of going to the scrumptious buffet every morning for breakfast and hitting the complimentary peanut butter and jellies and bananas and milk and hot chocolate bar every evening in the hotel. We are spoiled!
I went out to see Bob as soon as I could after getting home. The first day he was having one of the days where he was sleepy and wouldn't react to me. I should have had Libby there! She could always get him to respond! But everything was different at The Piper as well. Two of my favorite residents had passed away very unexpectedly while I was gone. One was Bill, the husband of my friend from the support group. I will really miss Sheryl being there, and our happy chats together as we fed "our boys"! The next day I went to see Bob he was awake and told me my hair looked nice. I about fell over! Then he proclaimed loudly "I AM A MAN". I told him "I AM A WOMAN", and he laughed and laughed! BUT! I found out from the staff that they had caught him and Mickey holding hands while I was gone! Mickey is a retired RN (Real Nuts, she told me when she was more cognizant.) At least Bob knows how to pick RNs to care for him! Mickey sits at Bob's table as she has to be fed and the staff can feed her and Bob at the same time. She just sits there and smiles (now I notice she is smiling at Bob and that is why she is not focusing on eating her food.) I also feed her if I am there feeding Bob. Well that is the end of that--LOL!
I went to a seminar at The Piper before I left. A radiologist that has an independent practice in Shawnee spoke about using stem cells to treat Alzheimer's. His own father was one of his first patients. He takes the stem cells out of the patient's own bone marrow and abdominal fat and then reinjects them IV. He is not willing to do the double blind testing that requires using a placebo on half of the patients as he wants everyone to get the treatment. Therefore, he cannot qualify for studies that would lead to approval and also get the treatment covered by insurance. The pretesting is very expensive with Pet scans and lumbar punctures as he is trying to catch people in the early stage of the disease. Long story short, his father ended up saying "stop, this is costing too much" and died, and another patient was not helped at all. But 2 others he treated were helped significantly. I know stem cell treatment is the thing now, and he acknowledges that it works better for diseases like COPD. But it is being tried for a lot of things like arthritis, getting people's hopes up, but then having mixed results. And if the stem cells are from another source like fetal umbilical cord blood, infections can occur, and ethical questions are raised.
I am going to leave you with food for thought, and I expect it will generate comments on Facebook or on my blog site. Researchers from Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis (August 1, 2019) report that they can measure levels of the Alzheimer's protein amyloid beta in the blood and use such levels to predict whether the protein has accumulated in the brain. When blood amyloid levels are combined with two other major Alzheimer's risk factors--age and the presence of the genetic variant APOE4--people with early Alzheimer's brain changes can be identified with 94% accuracy, the study found. It goes on to say that such a test may become available at doctor's offices within a few years, but its benefits will be much great once there are treatments to halt the disease process and forestall dementia. My question is--would you have the blood test? I have thought much about it, since my father had Alzheimer's and there is a genetic risk. But I have decided I would not have it. I want to live every day to the fullest, and not have the threat of that hanging over my head--no pun intended. I look forward to your responses!
I went to another seminar/luncheon last week for retired nurses that is held twice a year at the hospital. The speaker's topic was on things you can do to prevent Alzheimer's. I will leave that for next month's blog, but if you find you cannot wait until then, she recommended the book "The End of Alzheimer's" by Dale Bredesen.
Yours for the best possible life,
Betty
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Monday, May 20, 2019
I am very happy as I write this blog. One of my friends from the support group has moved her husband Bill to The Piper! Bill is about in the same place in the Alzheimer's journey as Bob, but he got to that point much faster, so Sheryl was faced with finding a place quickly. She has been looking for places for ambulatory residents, but suddenly Bill wasn't ambulatory. She had already been looking around (which I highly recommend not waiting until the last minute) but then her focus had to change as Bill became wheel chair bound. She knew others in the support group (an added benefit of support groups) had been happy with The Piper. She also called me and we discussed her options. She had hurt her back trying to lift Bill, and a room had just opened up across the hall from Bob, so it became a done deal in just a few days! Now they sit in recliners in the day lounge together where there is a TV, and share meals at a separate table in the sunroom. And now Sheryl and I can visit while we feed our husbands, and although they can't join in the conversation, we tease them and they just smile at us!
While we are talking about not waiting until the last minute to make decisions, I have been going with my 86 year old friend Mac to look at different options in case her health conditions would suddenly change, say from a stroke or fall with followup rehab. On our last foray, and with the suggestion of my elder care attorney, we found a wonderful place that we were both very impressed with. They are associated with the Lutheran Church and have been in the same place for years, not one of the newer startups in the area that are having trouble finding staff. They are the only place I have found in the area that takes Medicaid pending, which would be a huge help in the timing of moving to a facility. But they also have about a 6 month waiting list.
I am going to relate two instances of proof of God's impeccable timing since my last blog. The first is about the opening of the new Family Center at the hospital--now renamed Advent Health Merriam. I was having Easter brunch with some friends and Joanne was telling me how she worked closely with the founder of the Infant Development Center, Lee Ann Britain. She said when the flood came and the Center had to move, she asked Lee Ann where she was going to go now. Lee Ann told her "Shawnee Mission Medical Center, but they don't know it yet!" Lee Ann was that kind of person. And Joanne said she remembered Lee Ann talking about a "Bob" that helped her so much. Of course now we know who the Bob was! God's timing of sending a flood precipitated the moving of the Center to the hospital campus exactly at the right time!
The second story involves Bob. I had gone out at lunchtime to feed him, and the nurse practitioner from hospice was there. I had never met her, but she was very nice, and we had a nice chat, and she did a mini physical on Bob. She had no sooner walked out of the door when Bob gave a blood curdling scream and went into a full grand mal seizure, which if you are not a medical person, could also be called an epileptic fit. I have seen many seizures during my career, but it is always a horrendous sight, especially if you are not expecting it. The convulsing of the muscles is followed by a period where they don't breathe, and they turn purple. I yelled for the clinical associate to get the nurse that just went out the door, but then I looked out the window and saw her car drive away. I wanted her to witness it as well. After what seemed like an eternity Bob started breathing again, and I asked the CAs to put him in bed. I called hospice to see if they could get the nurse practitioner back, but they said they would send his regular nurse. While I was waiting for her, I went to Dr. Google and googled "seizures in Alzheimer's patients." It said that about 25% of Alzheimer's patients have them, and it is a progression of the disease. But it also gave a case study that one lady got her full capacity back for about a week after the seizure and knew everyone and could hold an intelligent conversation. When the nurse came and was checking Bob I asked her "May I ask if the nurse practitioner was here to recertify him and was she thinking of taking him off hospice? She sheepish said yes. I told her I didn't know what I would do without hospice. In addition to the moral support they give, they supply all the equipment and incontinent supplies. I asked about that, and she said I could rent the equipment by the month. I was afraid to ask how much it would be, as he has the special bed, the wheelchair, the lift, and the shower chair. I asked if they would take him off hospice after the seizure, and she smiled and said "Not now!" So once again, God's timing was perfect. What if I hadn't been there to witness it? They would have thought he had had a stroke. He remained unresponsive for about 12 hours and then started waking up. And wouldn't you know it, something got rewired during the seizure, and he was much more engaged and talking in sentences again, some of which made sense! The social worker from hospice called me when she was there to see him a week ago and told me he had told her he was going home, was going to apply for a job, and was going fishing. I had just left an hour before, and he had not gotten to that level with me, before or since. Wouldn't you know he would show off for the hospice worker?! The past few days, he has gone down again to about the level he was before the seizure. Another example of the roller coaster ride that is Alzheimer's.
As A.J. Cronin puts it "Life is no straight and easy corridor along which we travel free and unhampered, but a maze of passages, through which we must seek our way, lost and confused, now and again checked in a blind alley. But always, if we have faith, a door will open for us, not perhaps one that we ourselves would have thought of, but one that will ultimately prove good for us."
Would I have thought Bob would have a seizure? Absolutely not! But maybe it was through the seizure that God opened the door to buy us more time on hospice. And it was certainly well timed!
I leave Wednesday to drive to Tennessee to bring back our 9 year old granddaughter for the summer.
I know we will have a great time and be very busy, so I may not write a blog for a couple of months unless something changes drastically. I am not getting on that roller coaster in the meantime! I know many of you pray for us daily. I would appreciate it if you would pray specifically now that Bob will be able to stay on hospice. Also, two of Bob's brothers need your prayers as they are both facing a health crisis of their own.
Thank you, and love to you all,
Betty
Saturday, April 20, 2019
Today is a beautiful Spring day and appropriately it is Easter weekend. The trees are a riot of color, and all nature seems to be celebrating the end of a very long winter. I drove out to see Bob, and the residents of the Armourdale unit (where Bob is) at The Piper seemed bored, so I decided to play the piano for them. I was playing some hymns, but mainly Gaither songs. After I finished one song, a resident that is usually very quiet said "That was 'We'll talk it over.'" I was so surprised as he didn't know the previous song "Life is like a Mountain Railroad" which some of the other residents knew.
I remember my brother Bob and my husband Bob sang that as a duet in church many years ago, and I played the piano. Little did I know how significant the words would become.
I would like to talk over with my Lord why a good man such as Bob would have to get Alzheimer's. Bob did so much good in his life. The Family Center at the hospital where he worked is opening up a Family Center the end of this month. It includes the child care center for employee's children (the best in the area) and an Infant Development Center for handicapped children. When we first moved here the Infant Development Center was in another facility off campus. There was a torrential rain one night and it was flooded. The founder, Lee Ann Britain, called Shawnee Mission Medical Center and asked if they had space where they could move temporarily. A space was found and overnight Bob and the Environmental Services crew moved them to a place in the hospital and they were ready for business the next morning. To make a long story short, they never moved from the hospital. Bob enthusiastically supported them during his whole career. I can't help but think it was because of him having cerebral palsy in his infancy and early life. He didn't walk until he was 5, and then it was because of intensive therapy.
Another cause Bob put a lot of energy into was the Adventist school, maybe because he had children that went there. He was chairman of the building committee for the building of the new Midland Adventist School (now Midland Adventist Academy) and put many hours of sweat and tears into it. He told the story of how he went with the hospital attorney to visit a neighbor of the school that they needed to talk to regarding putting a sewer line through his property. They were met on the porch looking down the barrel of a gun and the man telling them to get off his property. But in the end, after showing him the money, he relented! When the school opened, the library was called the Robert L. Woolford library. It was a perfect tribute as Bob loved to read and he loved the kids! With the advent of computers, the library is now the school music room, which is also appropriate as he also loved music. The sign on the room reads "This space served as the Robert L. Woolford Library from 1998-2018. Robert was a tireless champion of Seventh-day Adventist education and played a pivotal role in the establishment of Midland Adventist School."
Yes, I would like to ask my Lord why something so bad happened to someone so good. He had such a hard time in his early life, it doesn't seem fair that he should end his life the same way. He has to be fed now, but he still loves to eat. I am glad, as I watch other residents that are unable to swallow now, or have forgotten how to swallow. And when someone with Alzheimer's can't swallow, they often choke, and get aspiration pneumonia which ends their life. So while he is able to enjoy them, I take him little treats. I try to go out and feed him lunch every other day. The other day I took him a piece of homemade German Chocolate cake (his favorite) and evidently I wasn't shoveling it in fast enough. He made a motion with his hands that very clearly said "COME ON!"
I will end with the words from the chorus of the song:
We'll talk it over in the bye and bye,
We'll talk it over, my Lord and I
I'll ask the reasons; He'll tell my why
When we talk it over, in the bye and bye.
I am sure others are wondering the same things that I do, but keep in mind this Easter season that God knows why, and someday it will be revealed to us. He loved us so much He sent his son, and we cannot understand that either!
Happy Easter!
Betty
I remember my brother Bob and my husband Bob sang that as a duet in church many years ago, and I played the piano. Little did I know how significant the words would become.
I would like to talk over with my Lord why a good man such as Bob would have to get Alzheimer's. Bob did so much good in his life. The Family Center at the hospital where he worked is opening up a Family Center the end of this month. It includes the child care center for employee's children (the best in the area) and an Infant Development Center for handicapped children. When we first moved here the Infant Development Center was in another facility off campus. There was a torrential rain one night and it was flooded. The founder, Lee Ann Britain, called Shawnee Mission Medical Center and asked if they had space where they could move temporarily. A space was found and overnight Bob and the Environmental Services crew moved them to a place in the hospital and they were ready for business the next morning. To make a long story short, they never moved from the hospital. Bob enthusiastically supported them during his whole career. I can't help but think it was because of him having cerebral palsy in his infancy and early life. He didn't walk until he was 5, and then it was because of intensive therapy.
Another cause Bob put a lot of energy into was the Adventist school, maybe because he had children that went there. He was chairman of the building committee for the building of the new Midland Adventist School (now Midland Adventist Academy) and put many hours of sweat and tears into it. He told the story of how he went with the hospital attorney to visit a neighbor of the school that they needed to talk to regarding putting a sewer line through his property. They were met on the porch looking down the barrel of a gun and the man telling them to get off his property. But in the end, after showing him the money, he relented! When the school opened, the library was called the Robert L. Woolford library. It was a perfect tribute as Bob loved to read and he loved the kids! With the advent of computers, the library is now the school music room, which is also appropriate as he also loved music. The sign on the room reads "This space served as the Robert L. Woolford Library from 1998-2018. Robert was a tireless champion of Seventh-day Adventist education and played a pivotal role in the establishment of Midland Adventist School."
Yes, I would like to ask my Lord why something so bad happened to someone so good. He had such a hard time in his early life, it doesn't seem fair that he should end his life the same way. He has to be fed now, but he still loves to eat. I am glad, as I watch other residents that are unable to swallow now, or have forgotten how to swallow. And when someone with Alzheimer's can't swallow, they often choke, and get aspiration pneumonia which ends their life. So while he is able to enjoy them, I take him little treats. I try to go out and feed him lunch every other day. The other day I took him a piece of homemade German Chocolate cake (his favorite) and evidently I wasn't shoveling it in fast enough. He made a motion with his hands that very clearly said "COME ON!"
I will end with the words from the chorus of the song:
We'll talk it over in the bye and bye,
We'll talk it over, my Lord and I
I'll ask the reasons; He'll tell my why
When we talk it over, in the bye and bye.
I am sure others are wondering the same things that I do, but keep in mind this Easter season that God knows why, and someday it will be revealed to us. He loved us so much He sent his son, and we cannot understand that either!
Happy Easter!
Betty
Monday, March 4, 2019
Greetings from the frozen tundra that is the Midwest right now! But as Percy Bysshe Shelley said "O, wind, if winter comes, can Spring be far behind?" He certainly was an optimistic soul, wasn't he? I am beginning to think winter will never end! To keep myself busy and occupied and to while away the hours, have turned again to my pillow making. I have made so many for my friends of their spouses shirts and sweaters after their loved one's passing that I decided to make one for myself. So I took one of my favorite shirts of Bob's and made one for me to hug! Then daughter Valerie reminded me that she would like one was well, so I took one of Bob's Pendleton wool shirts that we all love, and made one for her. Then she said she would like one made from one of my shirts, and since I cannot make one for her after I am dead, I decided I had better get busy on it. After all, I could die prematurely in an auto accident or plane crash. So I took a jacket, also made of Pendleton wool, that my grandmother made for me when I was in the 7th grade (and by the way it still fits!) and made the pillow from that. I think they turned out great as they are both red and black plaid.
So, as Mark Twain mused, "Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated, " I too am forced to face my own mortality. And although some may look on it as very morbid, I had a wonderful time planning my own memorial service. When Valerie vehemently protested when I gave it to her for safe keeping, again I reminded her that I cannot plan it after my death. The only clue I can give you is that some of you would absolutely love it, and some of you would absolutely hate it! So I am inviting those of you who are MUCH younger than me to please come to my memorial celebration and see for yourself! Am I going crazy with this cold weather or what?!
Last week I made a spur of the moment trip to Baltimore, Maryland where all of Bob's family still lives. Though we have known for some time that Bob's older brother has a progressive lung disease, the reality of his prognosis didn't hit home to me until he was placed on hospice care. I decided that I would like to get there and see him and tell him good-bye rather than go to the funeral. I was worried I wouldn't get there in time, as flights were sold out or were cost prohibitive when I started to try to make reservations. But I am so thankful that I made it. Though I knew it would be hard seeing him weak and bedfast, he was so glad to see me, so it made it all worthwhile. Harrel, you have been a great family patriarch. He was 10 when his mother and father both walked out on the family and left their 65 year old grandmother to raise 4 boys, the youngest then 2 and 1/2, on just her Social Security. If you have been around Bob at all, you have heard him tell this story. The four boys owe a debt of gratitude to their grandmother they can never repay. She kept them from being separated even though it was extremely hard and they had to live in the slums of Baltimore. Thank you again Harrel, as being the eldest, more responsibility was on your shoulders. Safe and peaceful passage to you.
I got to see all the brothers and their families, and also some dear friends during the short time I was there. As we age, those connections somehow seem dearer to us, don't you agree?
With permission, I would like to include a paragraph from Karina Pettey, a young wife and mother that has beat breast cancer twice, and hopefully forever. She is a daughter of one of my nursing roommates and was raising her family while going through surgery, chemo, and radiation. She had her own blog during the time, but that chapter is now closed, and she was writing as a guest on another blog. Here are some excerpts I want to emphasize: "Respect for your friend's family circle, choices, and values is especially important during periods of vulnerablity. Respect does not mean you would make the same choices yourself. It means having healthy conversation and still being supportive friends. Respect your friend's medical philosophy and choices. Ask your friend what she wants her journey to look like. What is her set of healthcare values? What are her wishes? She likely needs a friend to bounce ideas around with. To be a trustworthy sounding board, it helps if you've care enough to understand her diagnosis and medical philosophy."
I remember when I was working and a patient that had been in the hospital for weeks would die. I would ask the family which funeral home I should call. They would look at each other blankly and shrug their shoulders. Then I would have to get out the phone book (remember those dinosaurs?!) and point to the mortuary section. As a nurse, I just couldn't understand why they hadn't thought about that ahead of time. But now I understand. You are dealing with so much of the present, that you don't want to think of the future with its sorrow and loss. Identify with them and be respectful.
I also went to see the church in Baltimore where we got married, and could picture us, in the prime of good health, and very much in love. But now Bob again weighs what he did when we got married. And it is a very different picture now. He just sits and looks at the food and can't figure out what to do with it. They feed him, and I go early when I can to help with that, and bring him snacks and goodies in the middle of the afternoon. He still has his sweet tooth....
I am getting ready to leave this frozen land soon and go where it is warm and take 9 year old Libby to Disney World during her Spring break. Isn't Disney World the happiest place on earth? So I will identify with the younger generation during that time, and hopefully monsoons and tornadoes won't be able to catch us! Life goes on!
Until next time,
Betty
So, as Mark Twain mused, "Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated, " I too am forced to face my own mortality. And although some may look on it as very morbid, I had a wonderful time planning my own memorial service. When Valerie vehemently protested when I gave it to her for safe keeping, again I reminded her that I cannot plan it after my death. The only clue I can give you is that some of you would absolutely love it, and some of you would absolutely hate it! So I am inviting those of you who are MUCH younger than me to please come to my memorial celebration and see for yourself! Am I going crazy with this cold weather or what?!
Last week I made a spur of the moment trip to Baltimore, Maryland where all of Bob's family still lives. Though we have known for some time that Bob's older brother has a progressive lung disease, the reality of his prognosis didn't hit home to me until he was placed on hospice care. I decided that I would like to get there and see him and tell him good-bye rather than go to the funeral. I was worried I wouldn't get there in time, as flights were sold out or were cost prohibitive when I started to try to make reservations. But I am so thankful that I made it. Though I knew it would be hard seeing him weak and bedfast, he was so glad to see me, so it made it all worthwhile. Harrel, you have been a great family patriarch. He was 10 when his mother and father both walked out on the family and left their 65 year old grandmother to raise 4 boys, the youngest then 2 and 1/2, on just her Social Security. If you have been around Bob at all, you have heard him tell this story. The four boys owe a debt of gratitude to their grandmother they can never repay. She kept them from being separated even though it was extremely hard and they had to live in the slums of Baltimore. Thank you again Harrel, as being the eldest, more responsibility was on your shoulders. Safe and peaceful passage to you.
I got to see all the brothers and their families, and also some dear friends during the short time I was there. As we age, those connections somehow seem dearer to us, don't you agree?
With permission, I would like to include a paragraph from Karina Pettey, a young wife and mother that has beat breast cancer twice, and hopefully forever. She is a daughter of one of my nursing roommates and was raising her family while going through surgery, chemo, and radiation. She had her own blog during the time, but that chapter is now closed, and she was writing as a guest on another blog. Here are some excerpts I want to emphasize: "Respect for your friend's family circle, choices, and values is especially important during periods of vulnerablity. Respect does not mean you would make the same choices yourself. It means having healthy conversation and still being supportive friends. Respect your friend's medical philosophy and choices. Ask your friend what she wants her journey to look like. What is her set of healthcare values? What are her wishes? She likely needs a friend to bounce ideas around with. To be a trustworthy sounding board, it helps if you've care enough to understand her diagnosis and medical philosophy."
I remember when I was working and a patient that had been in the hospital for weeks would die. I would ask the family which funeral home I should call. They would look at each other blankly and shrug their shoulders. Then I would have to get out the phone book (remember those dinosaurs?!) and point to the mortuary section. As a nurse, I just couldn't understand why they hadn't thought about that ahead of time. But now I understand. You are dealing with so much of the present, that you don't want to think of the future with its sorrow and loss. Identify with them and be respectful.
I also went to see the church in Baltimore where we got married, and could picture us, in the prime of good health, and very much in love. But now Bob again weighs what he did when we got married. And it is a very different picture now. He just sits and looks at the food and can't figure out what to do with it. They feed him, and I go early when I can to help with that, and bring him snacks and goodies in the middle of the afternoon. He still has his sweet tooth....
I am getting ready to leave this frozen land soon and go where it is warm and take 9 year old Libby to Disney World during her Spring break. Isn't Disney World the happiest place on earth? So I will identify with the younger generation during that time, and hopefully monsoons and tornadoes won't be able to catch us! Life goes on!
Until next time,
Betty
Sunday, January 27, 2019
I just returned from a cruise a week ago today. From warm tropical isles to the deep freeze of the Midwest! I am going to take a break and digress from "Journey through Alzheimer's" on this post and title this one "Adventures on the Love Boat." The ship we sailed on was the Pacific Princess, the smallest now of the Princess fleet, but it was the ship that the TV series "The Love Boat" was filmed on. It was the perfect size, about 650 passengers, instead of the megaships of today. I was booked on this very cruise 3 years ago with Bob and some dear friends, Harry and Gail Janke, and their daughter Heather. But Bob got too bad to travel from the time we booked until the time we sailed, so we had to cancel. This year Jankes were going again, so I asked if I could try this again, and they said, "Sure, come along!" But 2 days before the cruise Heather got sick and they had to cancel. I had already decided if something happened I would go ahead and go by myself, so that is what I did! So saying, I am going to introduce you to some of my fellow travelers that I met on the Love Boat.
I was assigned to a table for 8. The seniors at the table were a couple aged 99 (she celebrated her birthday on the ship) and her husband aged 98 (she said she was a cougar!) They were just as "with it" as any of the rest of us, and needed no mobility devices. Another couple lives in Vancouver, B.C. She was from Finland and he was from Denmark, and they met dancing in Vancouver. Then there was a dapper gentleman from New Jersey complete with the identifying accent that dressed in a suit almost every night for dinner. His daughter kept his homefires burning while he cruised the world, even having been on the Queen Mary. Last, but not least, was a couple from Atlanta, who also cruised a lot. He had worked for AT&T and she had been a church secretary. Charlie kept playing pranks on the room stewards and waiters, so we had a lively group. We were always the last table to leave the dining room as we bonded together the first evening!
Our table (except for the elder couple who went to bed) always went to the excellent evening shows. At one of the shows the performer was a lady who played the piano suberbly. During one love song that she played she asked the gentlemen in the audience to reach over and hold their lady's hand. I was amazing as I surreptitiously looked around to see men still sitting with their arms folded and their legs crossed. Bob would have grabbed my hand immediately and squeezed it hard! After the show, the folks at our table usually gravitated upstairs to the Pacific Lounge. There the ship staff sponsored an hour of games etc. that were a lot of fun. This particular night it was karaoke night. I was still thinking about what had happened during the show with the pianist. So believe it or not, and I still can't believe it myself, I got up to sing karaoke! I was going to sing an Elvis song, "Have I told you lately that I love you", as it is a favorite of Bob and mine. But they didn't have it on the playlist, so we agreed on "Peace in the Valley." I enlisted the help of another man singer who had a beautiful voice who was going next to sing with me. But first I made a little speech. I told the smaller audience there about what I had observed at the show. I told them I was supposed to take this cruise with the love of my life 3 years ago, but that his Alzheimer's had gotten too bad, and we had to cancel. I told them he would have loved this cruise, and would have gotten out and directed traffic going through the Panama Canal! So I told them, please don't wait to hold your lover's hand and tell them you love them, as you never know the future, and some day it might be too late. One of the tablemates jumped up and hugged me when we were finished the song, which certainly didn't rival the other singers that participated!
Then there were the 2 ladies I sat with at breakfast one morning. One was a retired nurse, 87 years old, and she was traveling with her caregiver of many years. She was in the last stages of kidney disease, and she was choosing not to go on dialysis. So this would be her last cruise. Of course she was diabetic as well, but very mobile and independent. But her caregiver said whenever she wasn't looking, she would sneak cans of non-diet pop. Good for her!
I met so many wonderful people, but the last couple I will tell you about was a couple that was always dancing, whenever and at whatever venue they found to dance. He was from Columbia, and she was from South Korea, and they met dancing in San Francisco, where they now live. She had the most gorgeous dresses, and they were always so filmy, so that it looked like she was floating across the dance floor. Everyone how the ship talked about how beautifully they danced together--it was a show in itself, watching them. I always spoke to her and called her "beautiful" and she would just beam. I got better acquainted with them on a land tour. He had even taken a $2000 massage therapy class as she has back problems and he could rub her back when she was in pain. At breakfast the last morning, I saw them sitting alone, and asked if I could join them. Immediately I saw it was a mistake. Her eyes were red from crying, and when her husband left to go to the buffet again, she told me "next time I am going to take a cruise alone like you are doing." When he came back to the table, he put his hand on her shoulder and she said "get away from me." So my bubble of their fairytale romance was burst, and I only hope they can work it out. Life is not all a bowl of cherries, is it?
I went to see Bob the day after I got home. I was still feeling like I was rockin' and rollin' on the ship like some do after a cruise (something to do with the inner ear!) The housemother at The Piper told me a story that Bob was sitting at the dinner table with 2 other men, and the other men got to arguing about something, which I always smile at, because it makes no sense, and neither of them know what they are talking about. But this particular night Bob had had enough and he yelled "SHUT UP!" That tickled my funny bone, especially since Bob does not make sense when he talks either, and he doesn't talk much now, and also it is so uncharacteristic of him! But that came out loud and clear! I am not sure he knew me, but we held hands and I sang karaoke to him. It is a song he always requested "You are my sunshine."
Hang in there folks through this winter when the sun isn't shining! I have cruise memories to keep me warm!
Betty
I was assigned to a table for 8. The seniors at the table were a couple aged 99 (she celebrated her birthday on the ship) and her husband aged 98 (she said she was a cougar!) They were just as "with it" as any of the rest of us, and needed no mobility devices. Another couple lives in Vancouver, B.C. She was from Finland and he was from Denmark, and they met dancing in Vancouver. Then there was a dapper gentleman from New Jersey complete with the identifying accent that dressed in a suit almost every night for dinner. His daughter kept his homefires burning while he cruised the world, even having been on the Queen Mary. Last, but not least, was a couple from Atlanta, who also cruised a lot. He had worked for AT&T and she had been a church secretary. Charlie kept playing pranks on the room stewards and waiters, so we had a lively group. We were always the last table to leave the dining room as we bonded together the first evening!
Our table (except for the elder couple who went to bed) always went to the excellent evening shows. At one of the shows the performer was a lady who played the piano suberbly. During one love song that she played she asked the gentlemen in the audience to reach over and hold their lady's hand. I was amazing as I surreptitiously looked around to see men still sitting with their arms folded and their legs crossed. Bob would have grabbed my hand immediately and squeezed it hard! After the show, the folks at our table usually gravitated upstairs to the Pacific Lounge. There the ship staff sponsored an hour of games etc. that were a lot of fun. This particular night it was karaoke night. I was still thinking about what had happened during the show with the pianist. So believe it or not, and I still can't believe it myself, I got up to sing karaoke! I was going to sing an Elvis song, "Have I told you lately that I love you", as it is a favorite of Bob and mine. But they didn't have it on the playlist, so we agreed on "Peace in the Valley." I enlisted the help of another man singer who had a beautiful voice who was going next to sing with me. But first I made a little speech. I told the smaller audience there about what I had observed at the show. I told them I was supposed to take this cruise with the love of my life 3 years ago, but that his Alzheimer's had gotten too bad, and we had to cancel. I told them he would have loved this cruise, and would have gotten out and directed traffic going through the Panama Canal! So I told them, please don't wait to hold your lover's hand and tell them you love them, as you never know the future, and some day it might be too late. One of the tablemates jumped up and hugged me when we were finished the song, which certainly didn't rival the other singers that participated!
Then there were the 2 ladies I sat with at breakfast one morning. One was a retired nurse, 87 years old, and she was traveling with her caregiver of many years. She was in the last stages of kidney disease, and she was choosing not to go on dialysis. So this would be her last cruise. Of course she was diabetic as well, but very mobile and independent. But her caregiver said whenever she wasn't looking, she would sneak cans of non-diet pop. Good for her!
I met so many wonderful people, but the last couple I will tell you about was a couple that was always dancing, whenever and at whatever venue they found to dance. He was from Columbia, and she was from South Korea, and they met dancing in San Francisco, where they now live. She had the most gorgeous dresses, and they were always so filmy, so that it looked like she was floating across the dance floor. Everyone how the ship talked about how beautifully they danced together--it was a show in itself, watching them. I always spoke to her and called her "beautiful" and she would just beam. I got better acquainted with them on a land tour. He had even taken a $2000 massage therapy class as she has back problems and he could rub her back when she was in pain. At breakfast the last morning, I saw them sitting alone, and asked if I could join them. Immediately I saw it was a mistake. Her eyes were red from crying, and when her husband left to go to the buffet again, she told me "next time I am going to take a cruise alone like you are doing." When he came back to the table, he put his hand on her shoulder and she said "get away from me." So my bubble of their fairytale romance was burst, and I only hope they can work it out. Life is not all a bowl of cherries, is it?
I went to see Bob the day after I got home. I was still feeling like I was rockin' and rollin' on the ship like some do after a cruise (something to do with the inner ear!) The housemother at The Piper told me a story that Bob was sitting at the dinner table with 2 other men, and the other men got to arguing about something, which I always smile at, because it makes no sense, and neither of them know what they are talking about. But this particular night Bob had had enough and he yelled "SHUT UP!" That tickled my funny bone, especially since Bob does not make sense when he talks either, and he doesn't talk much now, and also it is so uncharacteristic of him! But that came out loud and clear! I am not sure he knew me, but we held hands and I sang karaoke to him. It is a song he always requested "You are my sunshine."
Hang in there folks through this winter when the sun isn't shining! I have cruise memories to keep me warm!
Betty
Tuesday, December 4, 2018
It is the holiday season again. With it come all the emotions and feelings known to mankind (and womankind)! Joy, peace, happiness, loneliness, stress, cold, warmth, dreariness, dread, family tensions, love, laughter, sorrow, to name just a few. The business of unfinished shopping, wrapping, baking, and parties crowd out what the season is really about--the birth of a babe in a manger long ago in Bethlehem. And for those that are grieving, the feelings are just intensified. No matter how long it has been since the lost of a loved one, memories flood your eyes, and water drops to your shirt or blouse. Like Willie Nelson says in his new song "It is not something you get over, it is something you get through." And many will feel, I am afraid, that they just have to get through the holidays.
For me, some memories are especially poignant even though I technically haven't lost Bob yet.
Kneeling in church together, our arms intertwined, especially when the church is decorated beautifully.
Hearing a favorite song on the car radio, and reaching over to take his hand, and have him squeeze mine. One of our favorites was when Elvis sang "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
Cuddling up to sleep when baby it is cold outside!
Watching a football game together, and "sometimes" yelling till we were hoarse. He especially liked to watch Notre Dame--the "fighting Irish"! (And he did root for the Chiefs!)
Decorating the house for Christmas together. His favorite job was putting the candle lights in the windows.
Watching him enjoy the fruits of my labor when I baked the special foods of the season. He even liked fruitcake, so I baked them for him from an old recipe that he liked.
Preparing the Christmas cards together. His job was to put the stamps and the return address labels on. We would comment about each friend and family that the card was addressed to, and hope that we would get a letter or a note this year instead of just a signature on the card!
For some reason, it has been especially hard for me to do the cards this year. Do I sign both of our names on the card? He doesn't know they are even being sent out. (I finally ended up signing both our names, since the enclosed picture is of both of us.)
I found the following in www.thegrieftoolbox.com. It is the Bereaved Holiday Season Bill of Rights by Tanya Lord. "As a grieving person you have certain inalienable rights that cannot be taken away from you by those who may not understand."
When grieving during the holiday season you have the right to:
*To feel what you feel and to be politely honest with others about it. If you do not feel merry, cheerful or otherwise festive then say so.
*The right to not share your feelings if you would rather. "I am fine" is okay to say.
*To not go to parties or family gatherings where your loved one and your grief are not welcome.
*To take time for yourself. Whether this is a walk alone, a day in bed or some other momentary escape.
*To cry when it hurts, to laugh when something is funny, and to smile when you are happy, and to not feel guilty about any of it.
*To have your loved one remembered in a way that is meaningful to you.
*To change your mind over and over during any get together, event or party. You may not know what you can or cannot handle until faced with it.
*To change traditions when necessary or desired. Traditions are supposed to bring comfort, not distress.
*To enjoy your holidays. Your loved one is going to be celebrating with you. It doesn't mean that you have forgotten or are being disrespectful. Living is a wonderful way to honor them.
Bob is still doing as well as can be expected. On the weekends different friends come with me to
The Piper and we have sing-a-longs of Christmas carols and Christmas songs with the residents. It is amazing how many of the songs they know and remember the words to! You should hear them sing "Rockin' around the Christmas tree" and "We wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
Last week we shared memories of Christmas that were special to them--cutting the tree, ice skating, blizzards and warm bonfires. Even in that incongruous setting, I could see joy in their eyes. I don't know if any of them rode in a one horse open sleigh, but they sure can ring the bells when we sing "Jingle Bells"!
During this special season I hope you will join me in finding things that will make you happy, and give you peace. As it said above, "Living is a wonderful way to honor them." So go ahead! Live
life to the fullest, and take time to enjoy it.
Love to each of you,
Betty
For me, some memories are especially poignant even though I technically haven't lost Bob yet.
Kneeling in church together, our arms intertwined, especially when the church is decorated beautifully.
Hearing a favorite song on the car radio, and reaching over to take his hand, and have him squeeze mine. One of our favorites was when Elvis sang "Have I told you lately that I love you?"
Cuddling up to sleep when baby it is cold outside!
Watching a football game together, and "sometimes" yelling till we were hoarse. He especially liked to watch Notre Dame--the "fighting Irish"! (And he did root for the Chiefs!)
Decorating the house for Christmas together. His favorite job was putting the candle lights in the windows.
Watching him enjoy the fruits of my labor when I baked the special foods of the season. He even liked fruitcake, so I baked them for him from an old recipe that he liked.
Preparing the Christmas cards together. His job was to put the stamps and the return address labels on. We would comment about each friend and family that the card was addressed to, and hope that we would get a letter or a note this year instead of just a signature on the card!
For some reason, it has been especially hard for me to do the cards this year. Do I sign both of our names on the card? He doesn't know they are even being sent out. (I finally ended up signing both our names, since the enclosed picture is of both of us.)
I found the following in www.thegrieftoolbox.com. It is the Bereaved Holiday Season Bill of Rights by Tanya Lord. "As a grieving person you have certain inalienable rights that cannot be taken away from you by those who may not understand."
When grieving during the holiday season you have the right to:
*To feel what you feel and to be politely honest with others about it. If you do not feel merry, cheerful or otherwise festive then say so.
*The right to not share your feelings if you would rather. "I am fine" is okay to say.
*To not go to parties or family gatherings where your loved one and your grief are not welcome.
*To take time for yourself. Whether this is a walk alone, a day in bed or some other momentary escape.
*To cry when it hurts, to laugh when something is funny, and to smile when you are happy, and to not feel guilty about any of it.
*To have your loved one remembered in a way that is meaningful to you.
*To change your mind over and over during any get together, event or party. You may not know what you can or cannot handle until faced with it.
*To change traditions when necessary or desired. Traditions are supposed to bring comfort, not distress.
*To enjoy your holidays. Your loved one is going to be celebrating with you. It doesn't mean that you have forgotten or are being disrespectful. Living is a wonderful way to honor them.
Bob is still doing as well as can be expected. On the weekends different friends come with me to
The Piper and we have sing-a-longs of Christmas carols and Christmas songs with the residents. It is amazing how many of the songs they know and remember the words to! You should hear them sing "Rockin' around the Christmas tree" and "We wish you a merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
Last week we shared memories of Christmas that were special to them--cutting the tree, ice skating, blizzards and warm bonfires. Even in that incongruous setting, I could see joy in their eyes. I don't know if any of them rode in a one horse open sleigh, but they sure can ring the bells when we sing "Jingle Bells"!
During this special season I hope you will join me in finding things that will make you happy, and give you peace. As it said above, "Living is a wonderful way to honor them." So go ahead! Live
life to the fullest, and take time to enjoy it.
Love to each of you,
Betty
Monday, November 12, 2018
We are entering the Thanksgiving season and I have a lot to be thankful for. The last month Bob has really been alert, engaged and happy. He is speaking in full sentences, something he has not done for a year. Some of them make sense, and some don't, but I am thankful for anything I can get! Recently he mentioned the words "General Conference". I tried to pry further, but that was all he cared to comment at that moment. What blew me away was that is was during the time the annual council were taking place and the discussions were quite significant to the cause of women's ordination that Bob has always been passionately in favor of. He was always quite involved in annual council when he worked at the General Conference headquarters in Maryland. There is no way he could have been aware of that timing. Or was there.......
I am so thankful for the assurance that hospice is there. I am so thankful for the caregivers at The Piper. They do not have an easy job, and I know I could not do that type of nursing. I would much rather do acute care where patience is not continually called for. Last week The Piper had a couples lunch, complete with dim lights, soft music and gourmet food. Bob can feed himself again (he was not feeding himself this summer) and the lunch with only 4 couples was delightful. I have a whole new circle of friends as a result of Bob's illness, and they are a blessing to me, and I hope I am a blessing to them. I am so thankful that God is caring for Bob through the hands and hearts of others, and I am at peace.
"There is much pain to endure when watching a loved one with dementia.
There is the pain of perpetual grief. There is the raw wound of continual loss.
There is the struggle to preserve their dignity, and the desire
to respect the present and cling to the past.
However
in the midst of the heartache there is a small glimmer of light
that exists to remind us of the things that dementia can't take away--
the warmth of a touch, the importance of smiles and laughter
and the knowledge of what it truly means to experience unconditional love and acceptance."
---author unknown
"How do you spell love?"--Piglet
"You don't spell love, you are in love."--Pooh
I am so sad as I watch and hear about the devastation and chaos in California. I cannot get the
people there off my mind, and I cannot imagine what their Thanksgiving will be like. I am sure it will come down to the fact that they are thankful they are alive, and are grateful for the dedication of the firefighters and relief workers. What the world needs now is love and compassion for those whom we share this planet with. I hope I can share that love in my little corner of the world. I hope I can brighten someone's life with just a smile, or a simple touch on the arm. I hope I can offer a shoulder to cry on, if that is what they need. Bob's favorite saying used to be "I love you, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck." And he gave a lot of them!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."---Melody Beattie
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Betty
I am so thankful for the assurance that hospice is there. I am so thankful for the caregivers at The Piper. They do not have an easy job, and I know I could not do that type of nursing. I would much rather do acute care where patience is not continually called for. Last week The Piper had a couples lunch, complete with dim lights, soft music and gourmet food. Bob can feed himself again (he was not feeding himself this summer) and the lunch with only 4 couples was delightful. I have a whole new circle of friends as a result of Bob's illness, and they are a blessing to me, and I hope I am a blessing to them. I am so thankful that God is caring for Bob through the hands and hearts of others, and I am at peace.
"There is much pain to endure when watching a loved one with dementia.
There is the pain of perpetual grief. There is the raw wound of continual loss.
There is the struggle to preserve their dignity, and the desire
to respect the present and cling to the past.
However
in the midst of the heartache there is a small glimmer of light
that exists to remind us of the things that dementia can't take away--
the warmth of a touch, the importance of smiles and laughter
and the knowledge of what it truly means to experience unconditional love and acceptance."
---author unknown
"How do you spell love?"--Piglet
"You don't spell love, you are in love."--Pooh
I am so sad as I watch and hear about the devastation and chaos in California. I cannot get the
people there off my mind, and I cannot imagine what their Thanksgiving will be like. I am sure it will come down to the fact that they are thankful they are alive, and are grateful for the dedication of the firefighters and relief workers. What the world needs now is love and compassion for those whom we share this planet with. I hope I can share that love in my little corner of the world. I hope I can brighten someone's life with just a smile, or a simple touch on the arm. I hope I can offer a shoulder to cry on, if that is what they need. Bob's favorite saying used to be "I love you, a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck." And he gave a lot of them!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."---Melody Beattie
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Betty
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