We are now upon an auspicious anniversary--the one year anniversary of the shutdown from COVID and all the chaos it has caused.  On the typical anniversary you usually celebrate something, but this certainly isn't worth celebrating with the tragedy of over half a million Americans, and 2.5 million worldwide left dead in its wake. My heart just breaks for all the people that died without their families being able to be at their side.  And I say the same for the families that had to grieve the loss without being with their loved one.  The trauma that the caregivers have borne because of extreme fatigue and the sadness they have had to see and endure.  I think it is safe to say that things will never be the same as prepandemic.  I think of all the people whose heart or lungs are permanently damaged and who are suffering from a lot of strange symptoms.  And this is just the visible tip of the iceberg.  I hate to name them as I am sure I will leave some out, but just for starters there is the depression, loneliness, the loss of things we traditionally celebrate, like weddings, graduations, birthdays, even funerals and memorial services.  The loss of learning in a school environment, being able to be around other children, and even loss of school lunches.  The economic impact with loss of jobs, people going hungry and loss of homes and apartments from not being able to pay the rent or mortgage and the loss of income to the landlords that have to pay their mortgages.   The increase in domestic violence and any violence due to the pent up anxieties.  And the trickle down effects--I just heard that there are many semi trucks full of mail just sitting in Maryland because there is no one there qualified to drive them.  So that is where my Christmas cards from Maryland are!

But it seems that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Three vaccines are out, and in spite of distribution moving frustratingly slowly, things are looking up.  I have had both of my Moderna vaccines, and the two weeks has passed since the second one, so hopefully I have some good immunity.  All the residents at Hillside Village where Bob is have received theirs, and 70% of the staff have gotten theirs, which is a commendable number, as other health care facilities and long term care facilities the number is more like 50-60% of the staff have received them, as it is on a voluntary basis.  It cannot be mandatory like the flu shots I have heard, because the vaccines are under emergency status.  I just hope that number will increase as more people see that whatever the side effects are, it is better than having COVID.  Bob recovered well from the COVID with the help of steroids, as did the other residents, and visits opened up again in the enclosed visiting pavilion.  But no sooner than that happened, and they had to be shut down again because of frigid cold.  There is about a 10 foot outside space between the building and the pavilion, and it was just too cold to take people out!  But I have seen him twice now in the pavilion and I had my hand on the glass, and he reached out like he wanted to take my hand!  And now things are looking even brighter!  The guidelines are changing day by day and soon they can open up in person visits again!  They asked for volunteers to help monitor the visit and guess who volunteered!  I think the visits at first will be socially distanced and with masks on, but they will be inside in the parlors, so not weather dependent.  I am so excited with this development, and will be even more excited when we can touch.  I asked for compensation that when I am there volunteering, I could stop in and see Bob for a few minutes before I left, and I promised to follow the guidelines.  Kind of hard to kiss with a mask on!

There is one more breakthrough that sounds exciting.  It is in the winter Alzheimer's Science News magazine.  It states "The Precivity AD test is now available in 45 states.  It does not involve any radiation and is noninvasive, requiring only a small blood sample.  The sample is sent to C2N's laboratory for analysis by mass spectrometry, and a healthcare provider will discuss the results with a patient.  These features make the test more accessible than other diagnostic methods that physicians use to evaluate issues with memory and thinking, and could pave the way for earlier diagnosis and treatment and greater enrollment in clinical trials."  And I have seen programs that because of all the funding and money put into helping develop the vaccines, other programs may benefit.  Some of the mRNA ingredient in the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are thought to maybe be of benefit in curing cancer.  But it was difficult to get the funding for that study before.  And last week on the TV show 60 Minutes they reported on the unusual path fluvoxamine, (Luvox) a drug commonly used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder, has had to be an early treatment candidate for COVID-19.  What great side effects these would be!

My brother has asked for me to revisit the financial aspect of Alzheimer's and dementia care.  I have not felt like addressing something so weighty during COVID as I felt everyone was struggling enough.  But it has been a sad year for that was well, as the Alzheimer's offices have been shut down (they will talk to you on the phone) and our support group has had to meet by Zoom.  That is nothing like meeting in person!  And people that are needed to place their loved ones in a facility can't go and look at them or can't admit them to a facility as they aren't accepting residents during COVID or the relatives couldn't visit after admission to reassure themselves and their loved ones as they would have to quarantine after admission.  So next month I will probably tackle that again, as it was early on in my blogs that I talked about it.  And it is such an important component!

When my arms can't reach people who are close to my heart, I always hug them with my prayers.

Hugs to you, Betty

 We are now in the dark dreary doldrums of winter.  We made it through the holidays which I was not looking forward to.  The other holidays that Bob had been in a facility at least I had been able to go see him and make things merry and bright.  But this Christmas I couldn't go see him and had to content myself with a picture of Santa giving him the present I had taken to him.  I finally joined a support group that Church of the Resurrection in this area was sponsoring for 4 weeks via Zoom called "Grief through the holidays."  It was opened with a short talk by one of the pastors and then we broke into groups with a group leader.  I was afraid it would not be appropriate for me since my spouse hadn't died, but I was welcomed with open arms.  As others shared their stories it was so helpful just to be able to talk about it, and the host was so comforting with his remarks.  I soon discovered they were in a much deeper grief than I, as most of the deaths were unexpected.  Several men were in my group, and it was so good to hear men express emotions that men sometimes hide, and will not traditionally seek help for.

Then after Christmas it happened.  The first person to test positive at Hillside Village was an employee.  I know everyone was worried what would happen with people getting together during the holidays, even if it was in small groups.  People maybe were getting so tired of being apart, and let their guard down for just one time, and someone in the group is positive and maybe doesn't even have symptoms.  And this time of year it is so hard to tell which may just be a seasonal sniffle or tickle in your throat and which may be COVID!  Hillside Village had been testing their employees when they came to work, but somehow one of those devil germs slipped through.  And they tested the residents whenever an employee tested positive.  The residents were given their first vaccines on a Thursday I believe and then the first resident tested positive the next Monday.  After that, more would test positive every day.  They were moving residents around to isolate and separate people.  The Director of Nurses is also the infection control nurse, so she was able to have a hands on approach as they tried to contain it.  Then she tested positive and had to  stay home and "rule from afar" as she put it.  Fortunately she has had mild symptoms as have all the residents.  They are wondering if the few days in between the vaccine and the outbreak helped.  I am impressed that they have worked as a team to contain this.  Residents are now being moved out of isolation.  The administrator has worked long hours, going home only sneak in an outside entrance to the basement and sleep in a bedroom there so he doesn't infect his family. But then the dreaded phone call came last Saturday.  The owner of the facility called and said that Bob had tested positive.  So far the only symptom he had was a slight cough.  I had barely hung up from him when the Director of Nurses called.  She said they were offering the option of the infusion of plasma with antibody cells to those that had tested positive, but they had to give it early in the course of the disease, so they had to know by Monday if I wanted to do that.  It would involve taking him out to an infusion center about 15 miles away.  The other option was to just "shelter in place" and treat the symptoms with tylenol, oxygen if needed, and the steroid dexamethasone orally if needed.  I talked with Ron and Valerie, and wrestled with, and prayed about, the decision overnight, and then texted her the next day and said I had decided not to send him out for the infusion.  It has been a week now, and fortunately his symptoms remain mild, he doesn't have a fever, and he is eating and drinking well.  He was next to the last person to test positive in the facility!  I am so thankful that as doctors have been treating the disease, they have found ways to treat it, and have found out what works and what doesn't work.  And fortunately a lot less are being put on ventilators because of it.  

The next bright spot was when the hospital emailed and said they were making the vaccine available to the retired nurses.  There were many of us there to get it, and so happy to be able to SEE someone in person that we had a great time chatting!  I will admit I was on the fence at first about getting the vaccine as we don't know long term side effects, how long it lasts etc. etc.  And I couldn't forget the image of a young man that I took care of in ICU that got Guillian Barre syndrome from the flu vaccine that year.  He was on the ventilator for months.  I never did find out what happened to him after he left the hospital and went to rehab where they took ventilator patients.  But I decided the alternatives and getting COVID outweigh the risks of getting the vaccine. Hearing about the long haul patients that are having symptoms for months later is scary.  And I want to be able to travel again.

So saying, we are not out of the woods yet, especially with the new mutations coming out.  And the end of wearing masks is months ahead of us, I am afraid.  The other worry I have is that since so many people refuse to wear masks, they will even more so refuse the vaccine.  I wish that people would have the mind set of caring for others, and in caring for others, be willing to help protect them.  But the nature of people is to only think of themselves, until maybe they lose someone they love.  But we have had so much tragedy through this with people dying alone and their loved ones grieving alone.  It breaks my heart.  So to everyone I would say:

May the Lord walk beside you to comfort you,  May the Lord walk above you to watch over you,  May the Lord walk beside you to keep you safe,  May the Lord walk before you to show you the way.

Stay safe and hang in there!  Spring will come!

Betty

 The holidays are upon us, and I am afraid they will look very different this year.  A memory popped up on my Facebook page the other day, and it showed a group of special friends that went to Bobs facility every year to play the piano and guitar and sing Christmas carols for the residents.  We had bells for them, and tambourines, so we made quite a joyful noise!  But this year that facility has had 76 COVID cases and 17 deaths, mostly in the dementia care area, so nothing would be the same.  So far Hillside Village where Bob is now has had a scattering among the staff, but when all the residents are tested, all have been negative.  That is amazing!

Bob seemingly recovered from the urinary tract infection he had when I wrote my last blog, with the help of oral antibiotics.  But I wonder if he completely recovered, as they noticed blood in his urine again the other day.  This time I asked that the battery of lab work and Xrays that were done before to figure out the cause of his temperature not be done.  He vomited Thanksgiving night, and they did another abdominal Xray the next morning.  I would have asked to wait a day or two as maybe he just ate too much Thanksgiving dinner, or something he had didn't agree with him.  I asked to speak to the Nurse Practitioner, who I had never met because of COVID.  I really respect NPs and we had a great conversation.  I told her that Bob had been taken off Hospice after he was at their facility for a few weeks, as he had such great care and things had turned around.  But I asked if we could still follow the principles of Hospice, and not be aggressive in his care.  She said that was certainly possible, as when they are taken off hospice, they would tend to forget that they had been.  It is a skilled nursing facility, so they certainly have capabilities to do everything.  I told her I just wanted Bob to be comfortable, and  not be taken to the hospital.  She said they could administer Morphine and everything just like hospice does.  It was good to talk with her and be on the same page.

The Director of Nursing's husband built an independent structure designed just for visiting during this COVID time.  It has a space for the resident, and a space for the visitors.  The two are separated by a plexiglass window.  There is a heater, and an intercom, so it makes a very comfortable place for you to visit with your loved one.  I have seen Bob a couple of times so far that way, and although he cannot communicate, I can see him clearly and talk to him and sometimes dance a jig to get a smile out of him.  I just wish I could touch him and hold his hand.  The last day I got to see him in March I was sitting by his bed holding his hand, and he was squeezing mine tightly.  I had no clue that the next day the lockdown would come, and I would not get to touch him again.  Of course, I didn't know then, and still don't know if he knows who I am, or if he is aware that I am not able to see him every other day as I used to.  When we had one visit outside 10 feet apart, he motioned for us to come closer.  And I am sure he didn't understand why we couldn't.  There would seem to be a flicker of recognition when Libby would come, but we couldn't even be sure of that.  He looks good and his weight is holding steady.  He did look like Einstein with a full fluffy head of hair, but one of the staff cut his hair and sideburns and now he just looks like Bob.  In a memoir of the life of Mary Cooper Back she states "Isn't it great to be married!  We had counted on the thrill, but we didn't know ahead of time about the great peace and contentment in just being together."  Ah, the little things we once took for granted!

I have said for many years that the holidays are not my favorite time of the year.  I just think of all the people that are alone on Thanksgiving and Christmas and it makes my heart sad.  And I am afraid this year it will be even worse.  I just hope that by telling my story of what I am going through now will become part of someone else's survival guide.  Several of our support group have lost their spouses recently, one to COVID and the others to natural progression of the disease.  I just hope memories of happier times will get them through the holidays, even though they may shed a tear or two, or many.  

So during this time, I wish you the Heart of Christmas which is Christ, the Blessing of Christmas which is Hope, and the Spirit of Christmas which is Peace.

Betty

 Granddaughter Libby who has been staying with me to do virtual schooling is off to her tennis lesson, so I have time to collect my scattered thoughts!  The past two weeks have been a rocky road, and Friday was our Zoom support group that I desperately needed.  The support group is sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association so per their directive, we cannot meet in person until a vaccine is found.  Several of us were very tired of these Zoom meetings so thankfully one of the group organized the members in a garage coffee Saturday so we could meet in person.  We missed our moderator so much, but weekends are reserved for her family!  This blog is going to be titled "What would you do?"  and the questions are some of the topics of discussion at our coffee gathering.

Several of the facilities in town have quite a few cases.  Hillside so far has none, but I just can't help but think it will be a matter of time.  Peg, and anyone else that wants to comment on this post, please feel free to do so, even if you disagree with me.  There has been real controversy about not letting family in to see their loved ones.  The elderly are dying from loneliness in facilities without the comfort of their families, and the families are angry and frustrated that they can't go in.  I totally understand both viewpoints, believe me.  And it makes me angry to see nurses and other health care workers out in crowded places in the real world without their masks.  They have a duty because of where they work to keep themselves safe.  But what if you had it, and were still asymptomatic and went and visited your loved one, later tested positive, and infected both your loved one, and then as a result the whole community was infected.  How would you feel?  How would you feel and what would you do if your loved one was dying of COVID and was in the COVID unit at their facility.  Would you risk going in, even with protective gear, and risk infecting yourself and then potentially pass it on to your family.  How would you feel?  What if this drags on through the winter, which is looking more and more possible?  The facilities are trying to make accommodations, but the state regulations are onerous and keep changing all the time.  

I was praying to God as I decided to write this blog to guide me in what I said.  I literally sat down at the computer when my favorite nurse from Hillside called.  We have been talking on and off for the past 2 weeks as Bob has been running a fever up to 102 degrees.  Two COVID tests were negative, blood work looked fine, two chest X-rays were clear, and the first urine sample came back clear.  But because his urine looked so bad, they sent another one and did a culture and sensitivity on it.  This time it showed bacteria in the urine.  So the nurse was calling to tell me that the nurse practitioner had ordered oral antibiotics.  I had been wresting whether to allow that or just let nature take its course.  At one point she told me Bob was not eating or drinking, probably because he felt bad, and at that time, I said "no IVs and no IV antibiotics."  We discussed all aspects of this scenario in our garage coffee meeting as well.  It is so true that you don't know what to do until you walk in someone else's shoes, and these ladies all understand so well!  And we decided maybe it was something you could fret and stew over, but when the time came, it would be clear to you what to do.  His (and my) advance directive, which of course Bob deferred to me on, has a big question mark under "would you want to be given antibiotics?"  So when the nurse called today she told me she knew I was agonizing over it.  But she said that Bob was now eating and drinking well.  The other day she was feeding him and he tapped her arm to tell her he was ready for another bite!  She said the antibiotics that were ordered were oral and prescribed for twice a day for 7 days.  She has so much experience in this area I value her opinion.  She said she would recommend that we do the oral antibiotics, and then if they don't work, or if Bob stops eating and drinking again, then we would know that it was his time to go.  I am not going to ask "what would you do in this situation",  as it is still evolving, and I have to do what I think is right and be at peace with it.  When I was on the ethics committee at the hospital, we could make recommendations, but in the end, it was the family's decision.  

My emotions have been all over the place today as I found out that two of our husbands from the support group tested positive.  One is in a facility and the other is still at home.  I read an article from Elemental newsletter the other day by Tara Haelle.  She was talking about our surge capacity being depleted.  "Surge capacity is a collection of adaptive systems--mental and physical--that humans draw on for short-term survival in acutely stressful situations, such as natural disasters.  But natural disasters occur over a short period, even if recovery is long.  Pandemics are different--the disaster itself stretches out indefinitely."  I don't know about you, but I am tired of it!  Plus all the fires, hurricanes, protests, and politics seem to be coming together for a perfect storm!

Tara goes on to ask "How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the 'new normal' is indefinite uncertainty?  Our new normal is always feeling a little off balance, like trying to stand in a dinghy on rough seas, and not knowing when the storm will pass."

All I can know is that I can trust in the One who stilled the tempest on the Sea of Galilee so long ago.  He can calm the tempests in our hearts and give us strength to carry on.

And now I must go scare away the woodpecker that is determined to peck a hole in my house.  Libby is usually here to do it!

Betty

 The summer has flown by.  Oh wait!  It is still summer, but is beginning to feel a bit like fall.  We have had unseasonably cool weather the past few days, but temperatures will be back up for the weekend.  But the main difference is that Libby started school.  Yes, August 3!  Schools in our area have been pushed back to a start date after Labor Day, but Libby lives in Tennessee and they are going ahead, even though cases in both areas have escalated.  So when her school that she will attend this year offered the virtual option, her mom jumped on it, and Libby will stay here for now and do the virtual option, where she can remain relatively safe.  Others in her class are doing the virtual option as well.  There were a few computer glitches the first couple of days (surprise, surprise!) but today everything worked well and she seems to enjoy it.  She likes her home room teacher.  School starts in Tennessee at 8am so it is 7am for us in this time zone--a real change to our summer routine!

We have been doing a lot of things outside this summer, and carefully follow the mask mandate.  We have avoided restaurants, which I really miss, but have done take out a few times.  Sometimes this new routine to our routine seems surreal, and it has the added dimension of not knowing who and what to believe.  We have had 2 window visits with Bob, and then the facility started opening up to visits with the family outside.  They are still in lockdown mode, and I am so proud of them that they still remain COVID free.  I really don't know how they do, with all the workers coming and going, but they are very committed to keep themselves and the residents safe.  The last visit was outside with 10 feet distancing, and of course wearing masks.  I was a little concerned that Bob would not be able to focus on us that far away, but he did, and motioned for us to come closer.  It was hard to say that we couldn't as I know he couldn't understand why.  I have another one Tuesday and the facility still Facetimes everyday.  Sometimes he will try to reach for the tablet.

A couple of weeks ago the nurse phoned and said he hadn't been eating or drinking.  The nurse practitioner had seen him and said his blood work showed he was dehydrated.  She had ordered to push fluids for a couple of days, and they they would repeat the lab work, and if he was still dehydrated, the plan was to start IVs.  I so wanted to go out and assess him myself, and get him to drink fluids as I know how he likes to drink.  I gave the nurse some tips and we talked about that he had been started on thickened liquids as he seemed to be choking more.  She said the thickener wasn't much, but just like nectar.  I also told her I didn't want IVs started, that if Bob was not eating and drinking, we were going to let nature take its course.  But a couple of days later he was eating and drinking again.  Maybe he was just taking longer to recover from a seizure, as he has had some of them.  But I didn't sleep for a couple of nights!  They include me in the care plan meetings by phone.  His weight has held steady.  

The last time I saw Bob in March, I must have sensed something.  Usually I would go out and maybe feed him lunch and then would sit in the comfortable recliner in his room and read a book while he napped.  But that day, I instead sat on a folding chair by his bed, and held his hand.  He didn't sleep that day, and every so often he would squeeze my hand, and I would squeeze his back.  Then the notice came the next day that the facility was going into lockdown.  Now, months later, I still look back to that memory, and imagine him squeezing my hand.  I am heartbroken by the way this virus has affected everyone.  Anyone that goes into a hospital or care facility cannot have their loved ones with them even if it is for a procedure or an illness separate from COVID.  I think of all the people that died alone, and the grief their loved ones will have until the end of their lives that they couldn't be with them.  I think of the children that have been abused because of it, the marriage relationships that crumbled, and the loneliness and isolation that so many are having to bear.  I think of all the jobs that have been lost, the bills that are unpaid with no way to pay them, the children and families that are hungry because there is no work.  So many dreams shattered with no warning.  I miss going to church, being with my friends, but that is all so minute compared to what others are experiencing, that I almost feel guilty.  On a side note, I miss my Alzheimer's support group.  We do it by a Zoom call, but it isn't the same.  The hugs, the touches, the welcome tears are missing.  The Alzheimer's office that was so helpful to me when I started this journey is shuttered and they say they will not open until there is a vaccine.  I hope they are still working from home, but to me it sends a message that they are not essential.  Since the support group is sponsored by the Alzheimer's Association that means we cannot meet in person again until a vaccine is found.  (Don't get me started down that path!)  I just found out that one of our group is in the hospital with COVID.  He would call me from time to time and I would call him, just to talk.  His daughter says the doctors are cautiously optimistic, so he is included in the nightly prayer Libby and I say.  She prays for all the animals every night; yes, they are affected as well.  We lost one of the kitties suddenly to what looked like the symptoms of a human having a heart attack.  She she has learned about death first hand this summer.  

I want to end with the prayer of Saint Francis.  Never has it seemed more relevant than now.  I cannot fathom all the hatred, anger, selfishness, and sadness that this has all generated.  All we can individually do is be an instrument of peace to the ones in our personal world.

Lord, make me and instrument of Thy peace.  Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon;  Where there is doubt, faith;  Where there is despair, hope;  Where there is darkness, light;  Where there is sadness, joy.  Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;  To be understood, as to understand;  To be loved, as to love;  For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Love to you all, and stay safe,

Betty

This will not be a very long post.  For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you will know that I have 10 year old granddaughter Libby with me this summer.  She came May 16, and will stay until the end of July.  We are very busy and having a great time.  It is certainly a different summer, as we will not be going to most of the places we usually frequent.  Our neighborhood swimming pool is open, but I don't feel like I want to do that so she and a friend have been swimming in our neighborhood lake which is spring fed, so it is very clear and beautiful.  I am so glad it is summer and we can get out of the house, or it would be much harder to find things to do.  But reading books and playing games is also becoming a favorite thing to do.  We have been reading an excellent series of children's books by Kenneth Thomasma, who has done his research well.  They are historical novels about the Native American tribes and their people.  The children in the stories seem to come alive.  What the Native American people had to endure and the abuse they suffered to me is comparable to what African American people have gone through and are going through.  So it is also an educational summer.
One difference is that we cannot go see Bob like we usually do.  I doubt Libby will be able to hug or even to touch Bob this summer.  I am so thankful that Hillside Village is DeSoto is sticking to its strict visitor policies however as they remain COVID free--both the residents and the staff.  We have had one window visit with Bob and have another one scheduled for next week.  I know Bob knew Libby as when he saw her, he started crying.  They were Facetiming at the same time, so we could talk to him.  I am so thankful that the facility Facetimes with us every day.  It is so reassuring to be able to see him.  He yelled "Hello" the other day when he saw me, but other than that he doesn't talk.  He is looking really good and gaining weight.  One of the staff gave him a haircut as no stylists are allowed in yet, and although it was shorter than it has ever been, it looked better than the bushy look!
He has had two seizures, and the staff calls me, but the next day he seems to be nicely recovered from them. 
He was taken off hospice last Friday.  He didn't meet any criteria to remain on hospice!  He had been
on hospice for 3 years.  I used to worry a lot about what would happen if he went off hospice, but now that Bob is at Hillside Village, I am at peace.  They have all the staff and equipment they need to shower him, feed him, and move him.  The only equipment I have to provide is the fancy Broda wheelchair, and I am renting that.  The facility furnishes all the other supplies and equipment.  I still am amazed when I think of it how God worked it out for Bob to get to Hillside Village before all this craziness happened.  How could any of us have seen this coming?
I will end with the words of a song written by Annie Johnson Flint:

"God has not promised, skies always blue,  Flower-strewn pathways all our lives though;
God has not promised sun without rain, joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day, rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above, unfailing sympathy, undying love."

So as we go on into this uncharted territory, we can only take one day at a time.  We just have to
know there is a faithful, never-changing God in control. 
I wish you peace.
Betty

We are still in the midst of the pandemic--only one of the storms that has struck during this Alzheimer's journey.  But I am so thankful that Bob remains in a safe harbor to weather this out.  The facility has no COVID patients.  They sent one out to be tested, but the result was negative.  I am sure it is because they were proactive in shutting down, and I am so thankful for that, and that God saw to it that Bob was where he needed to be during this time.  I had a scheduled care plan conference with the facility last week, and Bob is still gaining weight.  They Facetime with me every day so I can see him and he looks good.  One day I was talking a mile a minute to him and telling him everything I am doing, and he looked straight at the screen and said "Blah, blah, blah!"  That was a shock because he rarely says anything now--can you imagine?  The caregiver and I both broke out in laughter!  I am just so thankful as well that I don't think the passage of time means anything to him and he doesn't realize I am not coming.  That would break my heart.  I think the facility will be one of the last things to open up again and I am fine with that.  It is such a vulnerable population and I fear that a "second wave" would be a real possibility if things are opened too soon.  At the same time, I feel so sad for the people that need to return to work to just pay the rent and buy food.  And for the small businesses owners whose dreams have been shattered and probably will never reopen.  I cannot imagine what that must be like.
I have pared down the slides to a manageable number and am quite proud of that.  Now I am starting on the file cabinets in the basement.  I have come across things from my grade school days, and even letters from when we lived in Africa.  I had a file with just different programs we put on.  One was from our high school days; we did it for speech class.  Bob was a young shopkeeper in a cheese store and I was an old lady customer who was deaf as a doorknob.  He kept asking me what kind of cheese I wanted, and I would respond with "Yes, it is a lovely breeze" and "Oh, you have to sneeze" and other dumb things like that.  He finally came to the end of his rope and was yelling "Cheese!  I said Cheese!" at me when the owner came in and asked what was going on.  He told the owner how dumb I was, and the owner came over to me and put his arm around me and said, "But you know the customer is always right."  Bob fainted.  This became more truth than fiction in later years as our hearing mutually decreased.  And we would look at each other and laugh and say "Cheese!"  Next, I am going to start on the 60 years and 2 full file drawers of birthday, anniversary, Valentine etc cards.  That will be more difficult, but again, each one will spark a wonderful memory.
I am going to end with a devotional by Max Lucado.  It seems especially appropriate right now with the journey we are all on together.

"For some of you, the journey has been long.  Very long and stormy.  In no way do I wish to minimize the difficulties that you have had to face along the way.  Some of you have shouldered burdens that few of us could every carry.  You have bid farewell to life-long partners.  You have been robbed of life-long dreams.  You have been given bodies that can't sustain your spirit.  You have bills that outnumber the paychecks and challenges that outweigh the strength.
And you are tired.
It's hard for you to see the City in the midst of the storms.  The desire to pull over to the side of the road and get out entices you.  You want to go on, but some days the road seems so long.
Let me encourage you....God never said that the journey would be easy, but He did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.
What we see will last only a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.  I Cor. 4:18"

Hang on, my friend.  Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Love and virtual hugs to you all,
Betty